Since Day One

Epilogue

Since Day One, This is our forever... 

Kalen Angelo Avilla 

After what happen to Saffira I realize that I really can't lose her. Hindi ko kayang sukuan niya ako kahit na ilang beses ko ng hiniling sa kanya yun. That is why I waited for her to wake up dahil hindi ako mapakali hanggang hindi ko makikitang gising siya even if I already know that she is mad at me. 

And I was right. Even if I already said sorry to her countless times while she's asleep alam kong kulang pa yun. Sobrang kulang. Sa lahat ba naman ng sakit na binigay ko my sorry is not enough. 

"Bakit nandito ka?" I already expected that question from her but hearing it just pain me mostly the way she say it. 

That is not my diamond. I really did hurt her badly. 

From the very beginning even if I'm mad at her even if I don't want to because I'm mad but ended up being worried to her. I hate seeing her cry even if I know that I'm the reason. I hate seeing her being hurt. 

Because since we met I treat her as my real treasure. My gem. That is why she is my diamond. 

Hindi ko alam kung saan dapat mag-umpisa because seeing her crying because of all the pain I've cause her parang gusto ko na lang lumayo sa kanya para hindi na siya masaktan pa. Hindi ko ginusto na siya ang masagasaan sa mga oras na yun dahil kung ako papipiliin I would rather get hit by that fucking car instead of her. 

I want to explain but later on naiisip ko na lang na wala namang tamang explanation sa mga sakit na pinaranas ko sa kanya. Wala. 

Gusto kong bawiin lahat ng sinabi ko sa kanya  when we met gusto kong baguhin lahat. I want to turn back time at bawiin lahat ng pagtutulak ko sa kaniya. Mga masasakit na salita. I want to erase it to her memory and change it to a happy one. 

She is right, she just push me one time but I push her countless times. Siya ang mas matapang sa'ming dalawa. 

I remember she said that hindi niya gagawin yung ginawa ko noon. Yung tinalikuran agad siya palayo kaya kahit anong pagtulak ko sa kanya hindi siya magpapatinag dahil parang ginawa niya lang daw ang ginawa ko noon. 

Hindi lang naman ako umalis dahil gusto niyang umalis ako o layuan siya because that time I realize baka ito na yung inaantay naming oras ni Tito Daniel yung matuto si Saffira na tumayo sa sarili niya at hindi nakadepende sa'kin. 

But what she said still hurts me pero tinanggap ko na lang din. Because I'm still thankful that I was able to be her friend and I was able to love her. Gusto kong marinig yung magiging sagot niya sa'kin but not this way. She tell me that she love me pero hindi niya daw malalaman yun kung hindi niya ako ipinagtulakan palayo. 

Why do we keep hurting each other? 

After talking to Saffira I just choose to leave but I will come back. I turn my back to her now because I know my presence is just hurting her more. 

"Kalen!" Naglakad lang ako kahit alam kong nakasunod sa'kin yung mga gago. 

Sumakay na lang ako ng elevator dahil mas gugustuhin ko na lang na umuwi. Kailangan kong isipin kung ano ba ang tamang gawin ngayon. How can I bring back the old Kalen the she love when in fact I change? Because this time I can do anything even if it's bad just to have her and that is not include to the old Kalen personality. 

Pasakay na sana ako ng kotse ko ng humarang sa harap ko yung tatlo. 

"Ano ba yun?" Inis kong tanong. 

"Wag ka ng magpigil gago! Halatang ang bigat na diyan." sabi ni Nigel. He's the man who is not good at words dahil lahat ng lalabas sa bibig niya lahat hindi maganda pakinggan but at this moment. He hit the bulls eye.