scared of love

chapter 18

I walked the halls of the hospital looking for Derek but I couldn't find him. I looked everywhere, paged him multiple times but I still couldn't find him.

I was walking by an on-call room when I felt a rough hand on my arm pushing me in. This hand was too big and way too rough to be Addie's. And Addie would never use this kind of force with me. 

This rough hand pushed me back on a bed and that's when I could finally see it was Derek, the one person I was praying it wouldn't be.

"Derek what are you doing?" I asked trying to stay calm "Why did you bring me in here?" i asked again since he didn't answer the first time.

"I promise I won't do anything to you. I won't try and kiss you or touch you or hurt you in anyway" he said leaning against on of the other beds.

I let out a deep sigh of relief. Derek was usually so gentle but lately he has been not himself at all "So what are we doing in here?" I asked again hoping for an answer.

"I just want to know why?" he asked looking up at me with a face full of tears "Why what exactly?" I asked motioning for him to sit next to me on the bed.

He walked over and sat down next to me careful to not touch me in anyway "I just want to know what I did so wrong that you and my ex wife end up together and leave me all alone" he said looking back up at me.

I could see the pain in his eyes as he asked, he really thought it was his fault "You didn't do anything wrong, sometimes unexpected people fall in love" i said looking back at him.

"Your in love with her?" he said with his voice breaking "I am so in love with her it sometimes doesn't even feel real. I'm not saying this to hurt you Derek I just need you to understand"

As I said this I wrapped my arm around him and pulled his limp crying form into a hug. "You'll be okay, I know you will"

"I'm going to find Addie real quick then I'll be back and ready for the day" i said getting up to leave "Thank you Meredith" he said before I left "Your welcome Derek" i said finally getting out of there.

I set off to find Addie to tell her what just happened with Derek.

I found her standing at the nurses station with Izzie and I heard Izzie telling Addie what I told her to say. Before she even fully realized I was there I wrapped my arms around her not caring who saw.

She instinctively wrapped her arms around me pulling me even closer "Is this about Derek?" she whispered in my ear. I quickly nodded my head yes

"Did he hurt you?" she asked sounding nervous "No but I really thought he was going to" i said burying my head into her chest "Are you going to tell me what happened?" she asked as I felt a tear fall on my head.

I nodded my head yes and she lead us away to an empty hallway with empty bed so we could sit "So now you can tell me what happened" she said pulling me close again

I told the story in full detail and I could see the tears forming in her eyes. At first they were because she thought he was going to hurt me like I also thought but then they turned happy when I started talking about her.

"You really said that stuff about me? To Derek? And he was okay with it?" she asked sounding more shocked with every question.

"Yeah, I honestly feel really bad for him. He kinda lost everyone" I said looking into her eyes "But he's strong, he'll make it" she said pulling me in ever closer.

I looked around to ensure we were alone and gave her a quick but lingering kiss "I really love you baby" i whispered in her ear "I really love you too" she said standing up.

"But now we gotta get back to work" she said pulling me up with her "I'll see you later baby" i said having to go in the opposite direction. She made a heart with her hands and blew me kiss right before she turned the corner.

I went to find Derek but I got a paged to the pit before I could find him myself.

"What do we got?" I asked walking into the trauma room "John Doe, crashed his motorcycle on the highway. He didn't hit anyone but he definitely hit something" Derek said pulling back the wrap that was covering his head.

"He hit something all right" i said looking at the short metal bar that was going through part of this poor mans head "When are we taking him to surgery?" i asked Derek

"They are getting the OR prepped now then we'll operate" he said checking his pupils "Right pupils blow we need to him to surgery now" Derek yelled making everyone move faster.

Derek and I ran together to the scrub room while our patient was being brought up. We started scrubbing in before the patient was even on the OR floor.

He started coding while we were still scrubbing in "Dammit, dammit, dammit" Derek said running into the OR.

I ran in after him and tried as hard as we could to get him back "time of death 16:28" Derek said taking off his scrub cap and running his fingers through his hair.

"He died completely alone, he had no one waiting out there for him. He might have had a wife, kids even" Derek said with tears welling in his eyes.

I asked all the OR staff to leave which they did without question. I lead Derek into the scrub room so he could sit and calm down.

"That guy just died and we didn't even know his name" he said sitting down with me on the floor "Derek, we have patients exactly like this before, whats so emotional about this one?" i asked.

"The difference is this time I have no one. If something happened to me I would be the guy with no family and no one waiting in the waiting room" he said looking away from me.

"Derek, calm down okay, it's going to be okay" i said as i felt his breathing speed up "Derek, slow deep breaths" i said turning him towards me but his breathing just kept speeding up.

"Meredith, I feel like I can't breath" he said grabbing his chest "Somebody HELP" i yelled hoping someone would hear me "Derek, I think your having a panic attack SOMEBODY HELP" i yelled again.

"Meredith is that yo-" Addie said walking into the scrub room "He needs help, I think he's having a panic attack. I know you two aren't good right now but please" i said pleading

"I would help not matter what. Okay we need to get him to slow down his breathing" she said looking at him "Derek listen to me in through your nose and out through your mouth" she said putting his hands in hers.

He started trying to breath slowly and eventually his breathing was almost back to normal "Thank you" he choked out "I didn't think you two would do that for me"

"Well no matter what you did i can't completely hate you" Addie said holding out a hand to help him get off the ground "I think I'm going to stay here for a while, go home Meredith and thank you" he said.

"Goodbye Derek" I said turning around and pulling Addie with me "So are you going to tell me what that was about?" she whispered in my ear 

"Can you be done for the day too?" I asked turning to look at her "I don't have any surgeries so I think I can leave now" she said

"I'll tell you when we get home, meet me there" i said walking away "Your really going to make me wait like that" she yelled after me.

"Waiting is fun, I'll see you in a little bit" i said turning a corner and I could hear her laughing behind me.

I really really really love her laugh.

A/n
Thanks for all the love on this story. Hope you like this chapter. Have a good day everyone!!!
-Summer