scared of love

chapter 4

I woke this morning to my alarm blaring clear as day at 4:00 in the morning. I had to get up early so I could get prepared for today's patients.

I got ready and left before the rest of the interns just to avoid having to deal with them.

I've been very distant with the other interns lately, I feel like they keep judging me for what happened with Derek, the only one who's always been on my side has been Cristina.

Cristina has always been there no matter what I did or she did we were always there.

"Mer why are you here so early?" Cristina asked "I wanted to be here early so I could get ahead on today's patients. I'm still on Addison's service so i want to make sure she has no reason to be mad today" i replied.

Honestly I wanted to be here to see Addison but I'm still not sure what I'm feeling. Just the other day I couldn't stand her but now I don't knows whats happening. Shes Derek's ex-wife, I shouldn't feel anything like this for his ex.

"Meredith? MEREDITH?" Cristina yelled at me "What was that for Cristina!" I shouted back "Seriously Mer I was talking to you that whole time and you weren't even paying any attention to what I was saying" she said sounding quite hurt "Cristina I'm really sorry, I just keep getting lost in my thoughts lately"

"Time for rounds everyone lets do this quick" Bailey yelled before we all followed her.

After rounds were done it was time for me to find Addison and start on her patients. Today so far we have Henry who was born about five weeks early but he is stable and doing well but still in the NICU. Then we also have Sophia who was born full term and just needed her breathing watched.

"Are you fully caught up on today's patients Dr. Grey because if not then your no use for me today, I need you to be fully prepared" Addison said "For one I got here early so I could be extra prepared and for two I told you, we are on a first name basis now" I answered

Addison turned around faster than I thought possible "Just because we had a moment doesn't mean we are friends or anything more than colleges" she spat extremely nastily "Addiso- Dr, Montgomery, I'm sorry i didn't realize I did something wrong" I said hoping the hurt wasn't showing in my voice.

"You are nothing more than someone I have to work with and also the woman my husband left me for, TWICE so I would stop talking now before I say some very strong words" twice? "I'm sorry Addison but what do you mean I'm the woman he left you for twice? Derek and I have only been together once and that was before i knew he was married" "Derek told me that you two had gotten back together" Addison said sounding very shocked "Derek just told me this morning that you and Derek had gotten back together, he said last night which would be the same day we got divorced"

"Addison, Derek and I aren't back together, he came to my house last night and asked me. But i turned him down because i couldn't stand what he did to you. He left you when you were at your lowest and found me, but i can't be with anyone that could treat his wife like that" i told Addison kindly "Your not back together?" "Not even close, I need to go find Derek"

He will be less than happy to hear what I have to say.