WHEN IT ALL TURNED BLACK AND WHITE

4

Louis

I felt my heart breaking in 1000 pieces and my soul melting when I left our apartment. The saddest moment of my life. I would've done everything to hold you that morning. To kiss you one last time. But I knew it would be easier if I just left.

When I got my luggage and closed the door behind me, I considered just turning around and go back to bed. But I didn't. I left the apartment complex and saw a black car. It was my driver. I tried to not cry or be mad, it wasn't his fault. So I tried to say hello the nicest way possible. "Hello" I said and threw my bags in the car.

"Hello mr. Tomlinson. I'm very sorry about all of this. I will drive you to your new apartment, its only 30 minutes away. Any wishes? Should I stop somewhere to get a coffee?" He said. He knew that I would normally stop at Starbucks to get coffee. But I wasn't in the mood. I wasn't in the mood for anything.

"No, not today, but thank you for asking." I said and my voice cracked. Tears rolled down my face.

"I know its hard, mr. Tomlinson. It will get easier." He said. He was like a Therapist to me and Harry the last years.

I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. My mouth felt too heavy to talk. He handed me a tissue for my tears.

On the drive I reminisced. Better times. I vividly remembered the day I signed the goddamn contract. It was either me or harry, I said to myself. It would be better if harry was free, I said to myself. He was too young to get under that contract and not be himself. I remember how he said I shouldn't sign it, I remember how he said we should run away together. But we didn't.

In that Moment I felt complete emptiness. My smile faded forever.

After 30 minutes we arrived at my new apartment. I said goodbye to my driver and he assured me again that it will get better. I was so grateful for his wise words. Even though I didn't believe him. I couldn't believe him.

The new apartment was big. Too big for only myself. It was empty without harry. I wondered if he was already awake. If he saw my present. If he ate. I hoped he did.

There was only one thing i could've done in that moment.

Haz,
It's been almost an hour in my new apartment, and I hate it. Its not my home if its without you.
This all feels so unreal. Surreal? I don't know, one of those words.
I hope this pain goes away soon. But I know it wont for some more time. It will stay forever, but it will fade until I can breathe normal again. Until I can smile again. Until I can feel free again. Until I'm with you again.
We have an interview tomorrow and I'm scared. I'm scared I cant control myself. I'm scared my feelings will get the best of me. But we have to pretend its all okay right? I wonder if Liam and Niall know about this. Zayn probably will notice it, he always does. But a part of me is happy that we can at least stay friends. I don't know if we can, but we will try.
Love you forever.
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