WHEN IT ALL TURNED BLACK AND WHITE

6

Louis

I tried to put into words how I felt that day. But my brain couldn't stop hurting. I know you probably made something beautiful out of your pain. I know you write songs when you're sad. I kinda hope you wrote something today, it helps.

I laid in my new, cold, lonely bed and cried. Everything seemed so blurry and not real. I still hoped this was all a bad dream. That I would wake up, with you in my arms. But I didn't. I woke up, alone and empty.

6:30 am and my alarm went off. We had an interview at 10am and we had to be there at 9am. I got ready and ate something. My driver waited for me already, but it wasn't my usual driver.

I totally forgot that he couldn't drive me and Harry everywhere. He probably had to drive Harry.

"Good morning mr. Tomlinson. Any special wishes?" He said.

"Yeah, if possible could we stop at Starbucks please?" I asked, and hoped I didn't sound rude.

"Of course. Anything you want." He said and laughed. I liked him already.

"Thank you so much." I said.

We stopped at Starbucks and I got a coffee. Normally, I would've gotten one for harry too, but not today, not anymore.

The interview went great, it was lots of fun. After the interview we all grabbed some food.

We all had fun and laughed a lot. Even me and harry. It almost felt normal again. Turns out we could be just friends. Awesome.

But my heart was still broken. My soul was still hurting. And I was fucking tired.

We all went home, and this was the first time I checked my phone to see the time. It was 9pm. Time has passed so quick, man.

Later I got a call from Liam.

"Hey Louis, whats up?"
"Hey lad, not much, we just saw each other? Did anything happen?"
"Oh nothing, I just wanted to ask you how you are, you seemed off today."
"Oh, really? Everything is fine payno. I'm good!"
"Louis. Really. Be honest. I know about you and Harry. I'm sorry." He said and my heart dropped.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" He said and I started crying.
"Yes, I would love to." I said.
"Ill be over as soon as possible." He said and hung up. I forgot to tell him my new address, but he apparently knew it already, because not even 20 minutes later he arrived, with a bag of donuts and cans of Red Bull.

We talked for hours, about the whole situation, about life in general. Everything. And it felt great. Liam really is a great listener.
1am he left and I went to bed. Exhausted. And still heartbroken.

Harry,
Talking really helps. Friends really help. But you would mend all my pain. But you cant.
I'm scared that you will eventually fade away one day. That we wont end up together. That you will hate me one day.
Hate me for not trying enough. Hate me for leaving you. Hate me for being me.
I loved seeing you today, it made me realize we can try to be just friends, maybe it works out.
For the sake of the band, I will, and I know you will try it too.
My heart says I should call you, but my head says I shouldn't. I'm scared of the consequences, that my heart breaks even more or that we loose our job. So I don't call. But I want. Just that you know. I really do.
Love you forever.