The Novak Dolls

Kidnapping's Okay if You Ask Permission

It was late at night. VERY late. But the doorbell wouldn't stop ringing and the Winchester boys slept like the dead, so Mary groaned and trudged downstairs to find out who the hell was standing on her doorstop at 2:30 in the morning and why the fuck it couldn't wait til a more reasonable hour.

Satan grinned wickedly at her as she opened the door.

"Hello Mary," He purred deviously. Mary rubbed at her eyes.

"Lucifer?" She asked. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to kidnap your firstborn." Mary stared at him and Lucifer stared right back. Then he held up a cup. "I also brought you coffee."

Mary accepted the cup and stood aside.

"Don't kill him, he's got a math test on Thursday," She muttered before wandering back into her room, coffee in hand. Lucifer danced up the stairs behind her.

"Wouldn't dream of it. You're a lovely mother, Madam, and I wish you a pleasant rest of your evening. A thousand apologies for the interruption." Mary stared at him.

"How are you Novaks so raunchy and so polite at the same time?"

"It's a gift. Go back to sleep."

"....Okay." Mary shut her door and Lucifer headed to Dean's room, shutting the door behind him.

"Awww," He whispered. "Don't he look cute when he sleeps!" 

Then he tied up Dean's hands and feet, threw a bag over his head, and carried him kicking and screaming out of the house.

****

Dean woke up tied to a folding chair in what looked like a Satanic basement.

Which was an accurate description, because he was in Satan's basement bedroom.

"What the FUCK-" Dean started.

"Hi!" He whipped his head around, only to see Lucifer, Michael, Anna, Balthazar, Gabriel, and Hannah sitting around and staring at him. Hannah waved cheerfully, like they hadn't kidnapped and restrained him.

"What. The. FUCK." Dean repeated. "Why- Where- I-"

"One at a time, buddy," Michael suggested.

"Why am I tied up?"

"So you can't escape, duh," Lucifer deadpanned. He was sharpening one of their kitchen knives as he spoke, and it did nothing to ease Dean's concerns.

"Where's Cas?"

"Sleeping," Gabriel insisted. "It is rather early. Or is it still late? Where is the cutoff?"

"Why the hell-"

"I think that's enough questions," Lucifer said. 

"You're not in much danger, so you can relax," Hannah assured him. It was not reassuring at all. "This is just tradition." Dean stared at her.

"What kind of FAMILY has a TRADITION that involves KIDNAPPING A PERSON AND TYING THEM UP IN A BASEMENT??" He shouted. The siblings paused.

"Cannibal families?" Balthazar guessed.

"Families with Satan in them," Anna said.

"Our family!" Hannah said happily. "And this is like my favorite one even though this is only the second time we've done it!"

"I...I don't even have words," Dean admitted. 

"Good, cause it's our turn," Michael explained. "You're in love with Cassie, right?"