The Ineffable Ruth Rhodes

11 of course she did

vincent

Vincent observed Liora.

He probably looked a mess then, with his hair sticking up in fifteen different directions because of how many times he'd run his hands through it. His eyes were bloodshot— with how much he'd drunk there was no way he looked sane. Plus the fact that he'd left her for the whole party, probably embarrassing her made him want to hit his head against a wall. The reason he left her alone in the first place ended up being a bust.

But she was there.

She noticed him staring, and her face grew into one of horror. She waved her hands frantically, and Vincent felt déjà vu for some reason. "I'm sorry if you didn't want to come outside. I just thought you could use some—"

"I'm sorry you saw me like that," he said with a small smile, embarrassed. The air helped him sober up, more than he'd tell her. Or maybe it was her smile.

He peered at her.

There was definitely no way he didn't look like he'd just done crack.

But she sat there on the curb, smiling at him sheepishly with that one-dimpled smile, her arms folded under her body as she shrugged. She had this bubble of sadness surrounding her, he wanted to rip it to shreds and hug her and absorb her sadness.

"Love," she said. "What can you do?"

"Was it like that with you and the other guy? The one you rejected." He didn't mean for it to come out as blunt as it did, but she didn't seem to mind.

"Remy," she hummed, "Remy is the best person I know."

Vincent noticed how she talked about him like she was still with him, how even after not seeing him for over a year, she was still sure he was the best person she'd known.

"What really happened?" He dared to ask.

"He loved me."

"Did you love him?"

"Of course I did." 

Of course she did.

"So why didn't it work out then?"

"Because he loved me," she said, like that was supposed to help him understand. But he didn't. He didn't understand.

"So you pushed him away and humiliated him?"

Liora's eyes found his, then searched his face, as if she was going to get angry but remembered he was still drunk and decided against it.

"People like me don't deserve to be loved."

"That isn't true."

Liora drew shapes in the dirt with a finger, humming in agreement, but he knew she didn't agree.

"Liora isn't my real name, you know."

Vincent watched her curiously, waiting, knowing she would tell him without him having to ask.

"It's Ruth," she looked up at him, one eye shut, and smiled. He didn't even think to piece together the puzzles of the person who his sister said found him while he was drunk not long ago and the person before him. He simply watched her smile, because when she smiled, Vincent wanted to smile too. "It has two meanings. One means grief, the other means friend."

Vincent thought the shapes now, looked very very sad. She never completed the shapes, only drew half-done blobs before moving on to the next.

He found himself asking quietly, "And which one do you identify with?"

He didn't know what he'd do if she said the former. He wanted her to say friend.

But she didn't reply. She only looked at him, and smiled a sad, sad smile.

"We should head back," Ruth said, and dusted her finger on her sweatshirt, and her silence was loud enough to tell him the answer to his question.

"Ruth?" he tried the name out on his lips, and she eyed him with amusement. "Can I have a hug?" he asked. His voice sounded raspy. She narrowed her eyes at him imperceptibly, before opening her arms. There was that sense of deja vu again.

She looked like she'd decided he needed the hug more than she didn't want to give it to him, and although she was right, he also just wanted to hug her. She wrapped her arms around him, patting him on the back slowly, alternating with slow circles.

She gave warm hugs, he thought then.

She pulled back, and he found himself missing her warmth. He didn't know then that he'd miss her warmth for years to come.

"Come on," she said, and gestured back to the house.

By the time she'd walked ahead of him, watching the dark grey clouds and admiring the trees in her own little world, he'd decided to add another thing onto his 'what I'm getting out of the fake relationship' list.