The Ineffable Ruth Rhodes

35 something beautiful

ruth

Ruth stared.

He stared back.

Even though they'd went into a separate area to talk and were sitting on the pavement beside each other, neither seemed to be able to get the words out.

He was here.

Remy was here.

"This is surreal," Remy spoke first.

His voice. She hadn't heard that voice in years. She was surprised her heart didn't triple over as soon as she heard it.

"It's really crazy," she said with a laugh. "But I'm happy to see you."

"You too," he whispered, and his eyes sparkled in the dim light. "So, why are you here?"

"Uh..." She pursed her lips and looked up. "A friend's sister is getting married. You?"

"Bride is a coworker with my mother's boyfriend."

"Ah."

Silence.

"Ruth," Remy started.

"Remy," she replied, turning to see him beside her. He looked magnificent almost, hair blowing with the wind and his warm eyes which had a depth Ruth didn't recognize.

"I love you."

She sucked in a sharp breath.

"I never stopped loving you." He leaned into her slowly, smiling slightly. "Not once. Not once."

"Remy," she said, and she pushed his chest back slightly. "I moved on. When you left me, I got over you because I had to. Because it was the only way I could move on with myself."

"There is nothing," he started, "That I regret more than walking away from you that day."

"I'm not mad at you over that, I deserved it."

"No," he contradicted, "You don't deserve anything but happiness. I shouldn't have gotten mad at you for not realizing that."

This is hard, Ruth thought, staying silent. Beyond hard, she felt like this was analogous to smashing your heart repeatedly with a jackhammer; except the jackhammer has spikes made of rusted metal.

It was like breaking up with him all over again, although the catch was that they were never really together in the first place. That somehow made it worse. After all, he was her first love. He made her happy. And if Vincent had never waltzed into her life, she didn't know if she'd be so sure of 'breaking up' with him now at all.

"Do you remember the time we sat together, just like this?" she asked.

Remy looked at her and smiled. "Yes."

"You told me I was allowed to be happy."

"I remember."

"I was so happy. I was so grateful, God, I was so in love with you." She laughed a sad laugh. "For someone who loved me, to tell me that I mattered? That I can be happy? I didn't know if I had ever even felt happiness since her passing before that day."

He watched her silently, interlocking their fingers together and rubbing his thumb on the back of her hand; something he always did to let her know she could be comfortable with him. It didn't bring her the same comfort it used to, however.

"But I can't hold on to past loves forever," she whispered.

"So," he started, "You have someone else."