The Ineffable Ruth Rhodes

46 the stars

now playing: grow as we go by ben platt

The week before Ruth left, she didn't talk to anyone.

The last time she spoke with Sage was graduation, and the last time she spoke with Sumaiya, it was an awkward and tense conversation; two friends who weren't quite ready to let go.

It was even worse with Vincent.

They'd gotten in three arguments; two of which were about Glee and one about which utensil was wrong to use to eat soup with. Of course, they'd made up easily after, but each argument left them in an even tenser state, where they talked less and less. It wasn't crazy for her to be worried that he'd be too annoyed with her to show up, was it?

Ruth checked her time, heart beating harder each time the clock struck a new minute.

They said they'd be here, Ruth thought. It wasn't like her best friends and boyfriend would miss her departure, anyway.

... Right?

"Ruth," her mother said after winding down the window from the passenger's seat. "Are you sure they're coming?"

Ruth opened her mouth to respond, then shook her head, feeling guilty for even thinking otherwise as she watched Sumaiya's car pull in, and Sage and her climb out. "Maiya and Sage are here."

"Vincent unco?"

Ruth pursed her lips.

He'd be there.

Ruth ambled to Sage, smiling wryly. He matched her grin, opening his arms first as Sumaiya grabbed something from the backseat of her car. She thought to say a million things then— perhaps threats to treat her friend right, or hopeful wishes that they'd stay together. But she simply hugged him and smiled.

"Sorry," he murmured, "Sumaiya wanted to stop and get you something."

She tried to look around him to see what she'd bring, but he blocked her view.

She laughed quietly. "It's okay." she lowered her voice. "Please take care of her. And yourself."

He grinned a lopsided grin. "Of course. Remember to take care of yourself, too."

She squeezed him one last time and pulled away, peeking at Sumaiya who was waiting with a smile, hating that they had to rush it.

"Sumaiya." Ruth couldn't even look at her without breaking into sobs. Her friend and her embraced each other. "I love you so damn much. You're my love, my sister, my best friend. I'm so blessed to have known you."

"I love you a tenfold," Sumaiya told her. "Take good care of yourself, eat well or else I'll fly over there myself and spoon feed you."

"I might purposely forget to eat just to see you."

"That's okay, too."

She sighed, and pushed Sumaiya back, squeezing her face. "Remember to eat regularly yourself. Take your meds. With sprite, if you want."

"Okay, mom," she smiled with tear filled eyes. Then she handed her friend a small present, wrapped neatly. "This is for you."

She didn't even know what it was, but she hugged her friend again and kissed her cheek. "Thank you."

"You gonna be okay?" Sage asked one last time.

"Of course I will, what with Sumaiya breathing down my neck."

"Yes, whatever," Sumaiya said with a teary roll of her eyes, and pushed Ruth away from her.

Or more specifically, toward Vincent, who she didn't fully register had pulled up casually and waited his turn. God.

She took a tentative step towards him, perhaps because she was scared to say goodbye, perhaps to buy time. She watched him, with his curly hair, sparkling brown eyes, dimples by his lips. He was there. She'd miss how her heart tripped when she set her eyes on him, and the way his eyes lit up with love reserved for her as soon as he looked at her. She'd miss him. She already missed him so much she thought she'd pass out, and he was right in front of her.

"Vincent," Ruth said.

"Ruth." Vincent smiled at her.

She thought his smile didn't look sad then, but grateful.

"God," he breathed, as he looked at his world, his forever, "I wish we'd met sooner."

Ruth placed a hand on his cheek and he leaned to it and closed his eyes like it was built in him to do so.

"I love you so much," she said.

She wanted to frame him then, head against her hand with his eyelashes brushing underneath his eyes, like he was hers and hers alone, his curls tickling the back of her fingers. Maybe if she framed it, he'd live on forever, right beside her. So she'd ask him for advice while she was away, and he'd lean into her hand with trust the same way he was doing now, and she'd love him forever.

"I love you," he whispered, and his eyes flickered open and met hers. "I love you so much. If I could pluck each star from the sky and give it to you as a parting gift, I would," He promised her, and she laughed that beautiful laugh, that beautiful, musical laugh, where she threw her head back and opened her mouth wide.

"I don't need the stars," she told him, "Not when I have you."

"I love you," he told her again, maybe so it would make up for all those times he never told her, "I love you, I love you, I love you."

"My heart is all yours," she whispered, and rested her forehead against his.

"It's safe with me." He wanted her to hold his heart in her hands and keep it forever. "Do you trust me?"

"You know I do."

"Then can I tell you something?"

"Please," she breathed.

"Will you believe me?"

"Always."

"You are so loved," he told her. And she believed him. "You are so loved, by the people around you, you are worth more than you know."

She was laughing and crying now.

"So now that you know," Vincent's voice wavered, becoming clogged as he choked the words out, "Will you stay with me?"

Ruth put a hand over her mouth to stop herself from crying any louder than needed, and she rested her head against his shoulder. "I love you," she said. And she said it again and again and again. And she stayed like that for a while, until she lifted her head, dry tears lining the face Vincent had looked at and dreamed of, and took his face in her hands, and kissed his forehead, and his cheeks, and his lips.

"Goodbye."

And then she was walking away, and Vincent watched his world distort, for he never saw Ruth Rhodes again.