The Ineffable Ruth Rhodes

39 to the moon and back

ruth

If you were to ask Ruth whether or not she missed Vincent, she would tell you she didn't and she was fine without him.

She would be lying.

And with Sumaiya ignoring her it was like rubbing salt in an open wound. And the salt was mixed with freshly squeezed lemon juice. Times ten.

She'd tried to call her friend several times.

Of course, Sumaiya didn't respond. She didn't even sit with her at lunch.

Ruth couldn't even be angry with her. Not when every word she'd said was right.

Ruth was being selfish. She always was.

I'm coming to your house, Ruth texted Sumaiya, and left her house.

Fifteen minutes later, she arrived.

Ruth knocked on Sumaiya's door.

Her mother answered.

She was a small lady, with slight brownish black curls and side bangs, dressed in a over-sized green t-shirt and black leggings.

Her brown eyes lit up when they landed on Ruth. "Ah, Ruth!" she stepped out onto her doorstep with open arms. "It's been so long!"

Ruth smiled, hugging her. "It really has. Sorry I don't come by as often."

Sumaiya's mother rubbed her back, the orange scent flooding her senses before she stepped back. "Don't be. Just know you're always welcome."

Ruth nodded. She really did miss her. "Thank you so much." She sucked in a quick breath. "Is Sumaiya in?"

Her mother paused, then looked back into her house, puzzled. "Did something happen?"

Ruth nodded with a small sad smile. "Yeah. Can I see her?"

"Sure," she said, brows still furrowed. "But she's been bundled up in her room all week. I just assumed it was because of Shawn..." she seemed stressed, and Ruth gave her another hug for good measure.

"Sorry for causing you more stress," she said into her shoulder. "It really is all my fault."

She gave Ruth another motherly rub, pushing her back. "Go on and make up with her."

"Thank you." Ruth peered up to the staircase, determined, and made her way to her friend's room.

She knocked twice.

"Sumaiya..." Ruth tried. "It's me."

There was rustling, then silence.

"Sumaiya. I know you're in there. Can we talk?"

Silence.

"Please."

"This is fine. We can talk like this, right?"

Ruth placed a hand on her friend's door, waiting to see if she'd change her mind. When she didn't, she took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Sumaiya. I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry for being someone who feels entitled to policing other people's feelings. You deserve better."

Sumaiya's door peeked open, traces of her curls slipping through. "If you say that one more time I'm going to come out there and strangle you."

"I'm sorry," Ruth said, and dropped into a crouching position. "I am so, so sorry. Do you know how many times I've thought that I was so blessed to have you as my friend? Don't you think I knew you deserved better than me? Don't you think that's why I pushed you away? Everytime you picked me I felt like I won the lottery."

Sumaiya crouched down too, tears welling in her eyes as she laughed.

"Really!" Ruth said. "I could've sworn I saw dollar signs." Sumaiya laughed again, her tears falling faster. "I was never good enough for you. I'm not good enough for anyone to be honest."

"You don't get to decide whether you're good enough for other people."

"Yeah but how can I not?" Ruth said, and her tears began falling, too. "I'm surrounded by people who care for me and show me love even though I'm undeserving."

Sumaiya opened the door wider, and wrapped her arms around her friend. "Every living thing is born with the right to be loved. You don't need any proof of that."

"God," Ruth laughed and cried, "I love you a lot."

"I love you."

"I'm so sorry," Ruth said again. If I'd known you felt this way..."

"You would've what?" Sumaiya asked, holding Ruth's face in her hands so she could get a good look at her. "You're too stubborn to get it the first time."

Ruth's jaw dropped. "So you ignored me on purpose?"

"I had to do something," she shrugged, and there was that twinkle in her eye again. "I don't like fighting with you, bubba."

"Me neither."

"I love you to the moon and back," Ruth said.

"I love you more than the amount of atoms on this earth," Sumaiya replied.

Ruth laughed as she cried. "Just let me have this one, damn."

"Never."

—-

She stood in front of her family awkwardly, shifting between her feet.

"So?" her dad started.

"I don't have all day..." her sister trailed off.

She'd called her family to the living room to apologize to them, too. What she thought was protecting people around her in reality was hurting them.

Her taking initiative, however, didn't mean she suddenly had courage and wasn't at all shaking where she stood.

"I want to apologize," Ruth said, blinking at the ground.

A beat of silence passed.

"For?" her mother asked, taking off her glasses and cocking her head. A shiver went down Ruth's spine.

"I didn't think I deserved to be loved," Ruth started. "So I shut myself away, thinking I was undeserving." She took a deep breath. "You're my family. You love me even though I'm broken. You love me even though I don't deserve it. You love my flaws, too. So I'm sorry for forgetting that. And thank you for loving me," she added with a shrug, and a tear fell down her face. She truly was tired of crying. But as soon as she said the next words, her heart thumped again for her family. "I love you guys a lot," Ruth sobbed. "Like a lot."

Gabi took one stride and wrapped her arms around her sister. "Good God, if you say stuff like that I might end up turning into a crybaby."

Ruth laughed, and her parents, both of which weren't crying, stood and hugged their daughters.

"I didn't even know you were trying to push us away, my dear," her mother mumured into the space between her daughter's heads. "I thought you just liked your free time. But thank you."

Good grief is that a choked voice I hear?

"Don't forget that we love you," her father rumbled, patting her back.

"Yeah," Gabi said, crying the hardest "Liora loves you, too."

—-

Ruth tapped her pen on her lip as she thought, twirling it at the same time. How was she ever going to apologize to Vincent... where to even begin...?

Her eyes flitted to the paper before her. Maybe writing it down wasn't the best idea...

Right. She'd just wait for the right moment.