i don't really feel like fighting.

i wish it was still 11:11.

11:07 pm —

laying in bed // fan, wind, window, dim blue light // making patterns dance across my ceiling // brain racing too fast for me to keep up // listening to my playlist on volume level one of sixteen // emptiness

11:08 pm —

laying in bed // tossing and turning // twisting the chain of my necklace around my finger // thinking about the promises i've made // wondering if i can keep them // despair

11:09 pm —

laying in bed // walls closing in // clutching my pillows and blankets // thinking about nothing and everything // calculating how many days it's been // losing count // frustration

11:11 pm —

laying in bed // watching the clock tick-tick-ticking // i'm running out of time to make a wish // what should i wish for? // i have wishes every moment of the day but suddenly it's time to make one and i don't know // incorrect // i do know what i want // dear universe, i wish for

11:19 pm —

laying in bed // too late // watching the blood as it wells up and spills over the gaping lines on my arm // too late // guilt