Walking Away

A Rescued Nutcase

Raven

We walked down the little path, and it was quiet.

I don't like the quiet. But right now it's all I've got.

My mind raced through the nightmares I'd been having, the memories that they dredged up. The constant anxiety that came with being a screw-up. The fear that I was just one mistake from making everyone walk away.

The whole day I'd been distracted, trying to stay positive. But it just felt like I was running, and I wasn't going fast enough. Like my entire past was catching up, dragging me down with every word I said.

I guess sometimes your old life tries to poison your new one. No one warned me about that.

It occurred to me that I was still holding Johnathan's hand. He hadn't taken it away yet, and I was sort of grateful.

The path had small lights in the trees - someone probably decorated for a party or something. Usually I would ask. But right now I was just too wound up.

I'm sort of afraid if I say anything, I'll tell him everything.

To his credit, he didn't ask again if I wanted to talk. He just walked beside me quietly, leading me through the trees. Every once in a while I would trip, and he would reach out to steady me. He was warm, and he was quick. I didn't ever fall very far.

It was nice.

"This way." Johnathan spoke for the first time since we had started our walk. He gently pulled me down a side path, towards a wooden building.

Johnathan seemed to know the place pretty well, because he reached into a wind chime and pulled out a key. He unlocked the front door and stepped inside, bringing me with him.

"This belongs to a guy named Grayson Mills. He's a good guy." Johnathan flicked on a light switch. "And a really good friend. He lets me come up here and stay when I need to."

I wonder how often he stays. If the way he walks around is any indication, it's pretty often.

"Would you like something to drink?" I nodded.

He went to move away and then stopped, looking down at our hands. "May I have that back for a minute?"

I let go, regretting it the second I did. Johnathan came back with a glass of amber liquid, handing it to me.

"It's sweet tea." he explained. 

"Thanks."

"Would you like to sit down?" Johnathan seemed to be in caretaker mode. With him taking care of Ali so much, it was probably a natural response.

I went along with it, taking a seat on a comfortable grey couch. I sipped the tea, trying to focus on what to say.

"Would you like to watch a movie? Grayson has a pretty good collection." I nodded, and he busied himself with finding one. He finally put one in and pressed play.

I was surprised to see the movie I'd played at my house - the one we hadn't finished. Johnathan sat down next to me, and we watched the movie.

I watched as the girl ran after her stepmother, after the ball. The whole scene reminded me of an argument I'd had with my dad - only he was declaring that he had never really wanted to be my dad. A little different from this girl's life.

I hadn't noticed the tears as I watched, but apparently Johnathan did. Through the whole movie, he was silent. I would have thought he just didn't notice, except he kept doing small things. Refilling my drink, placing a box of tissues on the table. It was constant but also sort of distant, like he was trying to give me space.