Walking Away

Better

*Ali's song above, in case you were wondering.

Ali

I'm not supposed to cry. Crying is bad. My mommy told me that. But I couldn't stop the tears - once I let them in, there were too many.

Jonah's going to be mad at me. He said he wasn't, but he would be. Just like mommy was.

I curled up on Jonah's bed, hugging his pillow. I had gotten it all wet. Stupid Ali.

I heard a car pull in, and then the front door opened. I could hear Jonah talking to Kenny. Then I heard Katie. She was worried about me.

Jonah knocked on the door before he opened it. That was silly. This is his room.

I could tell he was sad when he closed the door and sat beside me. I had made him sad.

"Hey." Jonah picked me up, pulling me into his lap. "Talk to me."

"I'm sorry. I just wanted her to love me." My tears got worse. But Jonah needed to know. "I wanted her to be nice. But I made her mad and she hurt you and I'm sorry."

My breathing wasn't working right, and I choked. "It's all my fault. I'm a bad sister."

"You're an amazing sister." Jonah held me tighter, rubbing circles on my back. "I'm lucky to have you. And none of this is your fault, Ali. None of it. Nobody is mad at you."

I buried my tears in his shirt. "Mommy is." Mommy hates me.

I could feel him sigh. "Mommy is mad at everyone. She can't help it."

I tried to imagine being mad at everybody. I think it would be hard. "Why?"

"Because mommy never had an amazing sister to make her smile when she was a kid." Jonah answered. "Not like I do."

That made me smile. "Not me."

"Yes, you." Jonah pulled me up, so he could see me. "You are the most special, wonderful sister in the whole world, and I love you more than anything else, ever. Do you understand?"

I nodded. Jonah's not mad at me. "I love you too." I hugged him tight. Jonah will always love me. "Will you play my song tonight?"

"Of course." He answered, and I felt all my tears slow down. It's all okay now. Jonah's here. I told myself.

I felt quiet, like my tears took everything with them when they left. So I just lay down on Jonah, and he rubbed my back. After a little bit he sang my song softly, and I knew it was just to make me feel better. He sang almost all my favorites, and I sang along with a couple.

After a lot of songs, my tummy started to get hungry. I tapped Jonah on the shoulder. "When are we eating lunch?"

Jonah looked happy as he laughed. I like it when I can make him laugh. "We can go now, if you want."

"Yes, please." I stood up, smoothing down my skirt. It's important to look nice.

Jonah walked out into the hallway with me, and I grinned. I felt happy inside, now.

I skipped over to Raven. "Look, Raven." I spun, showing her my new blue dress with stars on it. Jonah helped me pick it out.

"It's beautiful." Raven told me. But she seemed different today. Sadder. Sad like I was.

I ran to Jonah, tugging him down so I could whisper. "We should take Raven to lunch. She's sad today."

Jonah nodded. "Why don't you invite her? She'd like that."

He stood back up, and I went over to Raven again. "Raven?" I used my most polite voice. "Would you please come to lunch with us?"

Even Raven's smile was sad. "I'd like that."

I took her hand and pulled her to the door. "Great! Let's go, I'm so hungry!" I wasn't that hungry. But maybe food would make Raven better. I like Raven. She treats me like a person. And not just a ten year old person, but a grown up person. Like Jonah does.

I could hear Jonah laughing as I pulled her into the car. "Buckle up, buckle up." I said in a sing-song voice.

Jonah drove to the taco restaurant. It's my favorite place for food. I couldn't help bouncing a little bit while we were in line.

Raven talked to me while we were waiting, but she still sounded sad. No, not sad...what was that word I had learned? Sub.. I tried to think harder. Submarine? No, that was silly. Sub...dued. Subdued! That was it. Raven sounded subdued.

I don't know how to cure a subdued person. But maybe it's like curing a sad person.

I told Raven happy stories about Katie and Maddie and me. We have a lot of fun together. I think the happy stories helped Raven, but I'm not positive. I got distracted when Jonah brought our food to the table.

I bit into my taco, too busy to talk anymore. But I noticed Jonah and Raven talking some. They were talking about school.

I ate three tacos. I was staring at my fourth, wondering if I could eat it, when I heard the laughing. I looked up to see Raven smiling a happy smile. She was looking at Jonah.

I wonder if Jonah knows he makes her smile her happiest smile. Maybe Raven doesn't know. Maybe I should tell her.

No. Jonah would tell her if he wanted to. Just like he would tell her that he thought she was smart and pretty. He had told me so, so I know it's true.

I decided to eat the fourth taco, because life is short and tacos are good.

After lunch, I thought we were going home to Kenny's. I like it better there than at mommy's house, except for my room. I miss my room.

"Jonah, when are we going back to mommy's house?" I asked.

Jonah finished chewing a bite of his taco. "I'm not sure. Mommy needs some time to calm down."

"Oh. Okay." I can wait until she isn't mad anymore.

After our tacos, Jonah let me choose where to go. I decided to go to the library. They have lots of fun stuff to do during school breaks, and Jonah can read so he doesn't get bored.

Once we found the activity, I asked Jonah if I could go play. He said yes, and I opened the door to the kids room.

I ran back before going in, giving Raven a hug and then Jonah.

"Thank you." I told him.

Jonah made everything better.