Walking Away

A Productive Insomniac

Johnathan

I still couldn't sleep. I lay there, listening to my mothers voice play through in my head. Over and over.

'a habitual liar and a failure at every task he attempted.'

I shook it off, sent it away.

'I pray for forgiveness. A lost cause. Abandoned. Despised. Poisonous.'

I opened my eyes, giving up on sleep.

'Let me make it crystal clear to you...both. He will always mean nothing.'

I felt like hitting something. But I remembered Raven, afterwards, trying.

'You can do anything.'

I held on to that, focusing. Trying.

'You mean everything.'

She had been so insistent, almost forceful in the way she said it. I smiled at the memory.

I had wanted to kiss her. She was right there...but I didn't. I didn't have many friends. I shouldn't go alienating the ones I had managed to keep.

She had been right. I couldn't forget about it. But I couldn't do anything about it either.

I gave up at five, getting up and grabbing my stuff. I may as well be a productive insomniac. I was heading out the door when my phone buzzed with a text.

R: Any chance you're up?

I typed out a confirmation before getting in the car, asking if she wanted coffee.

R: Yes. On every possible occasion.

I put the phone away and focused on the road, sending her another text when I pulled into the driveway. I expected it to be mostly quiet, but most of the lights were on. Maybe her mom had an early shift.

"Hey." Raven walked up to the car, smiling when I opened her door.

"Hey. I would've knocked, but I didn't want to wake anyone up." I explained.

"Oh. Yeah, mom just crashed. It's been a long day." Raven leaned back, closing her eyes. "I wish my brain would just take a break, you know? Stop substituting as my own personal CD player. I mean, how many times do I need to hear the same conversation? You know?"

I nodded, then remembered her eyes were closed. "Yeah, I think I do." A little too well.

She sat up quickly. "I didn't - I forgot - crap. That was so mean, you probably didn't need any reminders."

"It's okay." I told her. And it was. The nonstop war inside my head faded while she was here, until I could easily ignore it.

"Are you sure? Or are you just being polite? Because I swear, Johnathan, if you have that whole politeness shield facade thing going on today I'll...I'll...do something bad, I will."

I laughed at the half-threat. "I'm sure. Why has it been a long day at 5:30 in the morning?"

Raven groaned, leaning back again. "Ugh. Coffee first, please."

I complied, quickly pulling into the coffee shop's parking lot. We headed inside, directed by a waitress to sit anywhere.

Raven leaned against the window, eyes drifting closed again. I watched, concerned, but she seemed mostly okay. Her hair was in a messy braid that she had probably had since yesterday, and her shirt was on inside out. And backwards.

The waitress arrived with the coffee, and Raven slowly came back to life. "Mmm." She took a sip, carefully.

She got halfway through her cup before seeming more alert. "We got a phone call last night, from the guy who broke in."