Pregnant By A Werewolf

Twenty

I couldnt sleep that night. It wasnt due to the lack of bedding. It was my brain that wouldn't shut off. Everyone here has got their perfect life with their perfect mate. Everyone has moved forward without me. I know i can't blame anyone but myself but it dosent suck any less.

I feel alone. I feel empty. I knew this feeling all to well and i cant seem to escape my reality. My whole life i have been a burden. I have had heart break again and again. I have had pain again and again. I tried ending my life again and again yet god dosent even want me. Now I'm stuck here trying to make the best out of the worst situation. Not just for me but for my babies.

I just dont know how long i can live like this. Have you ever felt like your only there for one reason and if it wasnt for the reason you would be long gone. Well thats how I feel.

I want to see my children smile and laugh. I want to beable to see them grow and achieve things I never did. I want them to have the best life possible.

I know im not apart of that. I cant run and play with them like im supposed too. I cant do much for myself let alone them. Jason and that girl are thier family. Im just someone who showed up. Im messing everything up.

Thats when I descide to make the choice to leave. I want whats best for everyone and me being here isn't the  best thing.

Cole lost his girlfriend because of me.

Adam lost his mate because of me, no wonder I havent seen him since the hospital. He's abandoned me now aswell. I didnt blame him though.

I dont even know the girls anymore. I  know its only been a couple days but I haven't seen them. I still can't get over the fact Clarie has a baby and katie is pregnant.  I dont even know what  Anna is doing with her life now.i dont feel like i can talk to them anymore. So much time has past and its like there strangers to me now.

I even messed up Jasons life. He didnt ask for any of this yet hes been a man and done what he needed to do and now that hes finally happy. I turned up just to mess it all up again for him.

Its not fair on him.

Every had that feeling where you feel so empty inside its like everything is going so slowly. How you cant think straight and you just do what ever you can to numb the pain. Well I've never been much of a drinker but i guess now is as good as any to start.

Its getting late now so im pretty sure people have started to settle down for the night. I look at the clock next to my bed to see the time 8:34.

I knew it was getting dark but it just shows how much time can pass when your stuck in your own head fighting with yourself. It can be a bad thing as you remeber things you would rather keep buried. You overthink things when you really shouldn't. You start to doubt yourself and every decision you make. You feel sick to the point you want to vomit.

Everything people have said to you goes around your head. All the names you have been called. The things they did to you.

Just goes to show how much people can effect who you are and what you do. How much you can effect thier lives and change it for better or for the worst.

I make it to the kitchen without running into anyone. I rummage the cupboards untill i find what I'm looking for. Annoyingly i can only pray that they would keep some sort of alcohol on the bottom shelves.

Something finally goes my way and I find a unopened bottle of vodka shoved at the back of a cupboard behide all sorts of crap. I take that back to my room without being noticed. Locking my door i then go and grab the control on the bedside table. Turning the TV on not caring about whats on. Its just background noise.