Belonging | Alec Lightwood

(43) Him and I

Alec would be getting married in approximately half an hour's time.

I let that reality sink in as I sit in front of my vanity, my hand moving absent minded, brushing powder carelessly over my face. I had worn the dress that Izzy left out for me, it was a floor length caerulean dress, with a deep lacy neckline and a flowy bottom, the slit on the right exposing my leg and the black stilettos she had paired it with.

Izzy had been surprised when I went to her earlier today, asking to borrow something. She had even asked me what it was for, obviously expecting me to say anything other than for her brother's wedding.

No one in their right mind had expected me to actually want to go.

I had been adamant that I would go to the wedding regardless of this, my own pride and dignity forcing me to put on a brave front and support Alec. But now, as the ceremony got closer and the realisation of how horrific I felt seeped in, I knew that I couldn't do it.

I couldn't sit there, smiling, pretending to be happy and watch the man that has my heart be unified to another woman for the rest of his life.

I couldn't watch my own happiness, as well as Alec's, be crushed.

I wipe away the salty tears that betray me, trying to stop the ones that are sliding down my rosy cheeks and hastily onto the material of my dress, temporarily staining it. I grab my phone at the side, not hesitating to text Clary, knowing that I wasn't strong enough to be able to follow through.

"I'm not coming. Don't wait." I text her, before instantly switching off the device, slamming it harshly onto the table, an empty and isolating feeling suffocating me.

With a sob, I stand from the seat, making my way over to the plush bed in my room and slumping tiredly and emotionally onto the side. The ache in my heart was overwhelming, my eyes stinging as never ending tears cascaded down my face as I hiccupped and gasped for breath, completely and utterly broken.

I wanted to be able to be there for Alec, to be able to care enough about him and respect his decision but how could I do that when I all I can think of is being with him? Everything that we had endured had been worth it because in the end, I thought we would be together.

And now he's leaving me behind.

"Oh, Biscuit"

I turn swiftly upon hearing Magnus's voice, and immediately watch as he takes in my appearance, emotionally wrecked and sobbing, a huge frown overtaking his face.

"Magnus" I whisper, my voice cracking and more tears falling from my eyes. Hearing the pain and need behind my voice, he runs over to me and rapidly wraps his arms around my shoulders, bringing me down to his chest as he soothingly rubs my back.

I can tell that seeing me like this causes him pain too, as I hold him, I can practically feel his heart racing and I can hear the pleading of his voice, trying to make me feel better as he comforts me. My cries lessen the longer he holds me, soothing me with his calming grasp and the sweet words of strength that he whispered in my ear.