Imprisoned

Ch.8-Self Control-

-Loki-

Why does my heart beat fast? Why do I feel myself smile as I climb off of Sarah and rush to my reading chair? I did it. I kissed her. She kissed me back. I can still feel her hands in my hair, on my neck, trailing down my chest. For that short time I felt warm, I felt...happy.

I keep my gaze on my book as I pretend to read. I hear the guards boots slowly making their way down the hall of the prison towards us.

I find myself longing for her touch. I want to feel her soft lips against mine. I want to ravish her body with kisses. I have never felt this way about anyone before. I've only ever messed around with maidens, no feelings attached. How come I suddenly feel so strongly for her?

The clanking of boots interrupts my thoughts as they pass by our cell. I let out a sigh of relief. I turn to see Sarah laying under the covers, facing away from me.

As much as I want to go to her and continue what we started...I know I shouldn't. She deserves better than me. She deserves happiness. I know I can only bring her pain. That's what I do. I lie, trick, manipulate. I take things that are perfectly fine and I break them. I see things already broken and I break them more. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I broke her too.

-Sarah-

I hear the footsteps fade further down the hall and decide it's safe to move again. I flip to my other side and look at Loki. He sits reading in his chair. I wait patiently for him to say something, anything. But he just reads, not even giving me a second thought.

Maybe it didn't mean anything to him. Maybe it was just for fun. I thought it felt like more than just fun... I guess not.

The rest of the day Loki says not one word to me. I can't help but feel hurt. I thought I mattered to him as he matters to me. I feel stupid for even thinking that.

I lay down in the bed, still wearing my silky dress. I don't have the guts to ask him to change my clothes again. I watch him change his clothes using his magic, leaving him wearing only pants. I stare at his chest and abbs for a split second before looking at the ceiling. I feel him slump into bed next to me and pull the covers over himself. I turn to face him, hoping he will talk to me, but I'm greeted by his back. He doesn't even want to look at me.

I turn away again and try to forget this ever happened.

-Loki-

I hear her gentile, steady breathing beside me as she sleeps. I feel a pain in my heart as I force myself not to look at her. I try to convince myself that she isn't worth caring this much about. That she is a mere mortal. I try to think of all the times she made me mad or was annoying me, but every thought ends in me thinking it's cute or smiling over her smart responses. How can I not care about her? How she has a sarcastic answer for everything, how she sings along to her Midgardian songs. How she seems to want to help me even though I push her away. How can she do the most simple things, yet I find myself entranced?

I don't deserve her. She's too good for me. Being with me would take away her effortless smile, the innocence she doesn't even know she possesses. Everything I adore about her is what I am missing. Possibly that is why I am so intrigued by her. The comfort that she has what I don't, that she can complete me. But that is all a fantasy. A meer fairytale ending, and those don't happen, especially for the villain. And why would it? The villain doesn't deserve a happily ever after. Villains are born to be evil, born to give people someone to hate.

My whole life I've been the villain, the no-good, mischievous, trouble maker. The person little kids see and run away in fear. I never truly understood why I always felt different then everyone on Asgard, until I found out I was adopted. Not just adopted, but a monster. The picture-perfect villain.

When I was little I tried to be nice and act normal, but then I figured, why fight it? Why fight becoming the villain I was clearly destined to be? But unlocking that part of myself, or rather releasing the beast inside of me, started a chain of events I can never undo. I, myself don't mind what I've done, but then I think of Sarah. What she thinks she knows about me, doesn't seem to bother her. But if she knew what I've done, what I've come from, what I am...

It would change her. I don't want to change her. I like to think that in some ways she evens out all the odds I have done. But if she knew of all my odds, she would be the next name on the long list of people to leave me. Even if she didn't leave, or couldn't, she would be the next person to come victim to a life of villainy that I have been oh so graciously granted with for the rest of eternity.

So no matter how much I want to hold her, kiss her, be with her, I can't. I must suppress my feelings and restrain myself from holding onto her just to feel her warmth against my cold. 

I need to have some self-control.

*****

Author's Note: I know this one was short. But a LOT will happen next chapter, including a time skip. Please vote for more!