Imprisoned

Ch.12-Hollow-

***TRIGGER WARNING***-Self-harm and depression are mentioned! Please be cautious before reading!

-Loki-

"Noooooooo!" I scream in protest as Sarah is knocked over the head with a spear, causing her to lose consciousness. The excruciating electricity finally stops as they walk down the hall with Sarah. My whole body hurts, but none of that compares to the pain in my heart. The gut-wrenching feeling that I may never see her again. I never thought it was possible for me to care for someone as I care for her, and now she's gone.

I couldn't save her, I couldn't stop them from taking her from me, from tearing us apart.

I sit on the ground disheveled and weak from the exchange. I promised her I wouldn't let them take her, that I would protect her, and I didn't. I am a god for Odin's sake! I should have been able to protect her, but instead, mere electricity held me back.

My only hope now is to execute my escape plan perfectly and retrieve her on my way out. There is no option for failure. They could be hurting her, torturing her. She is probably bored and lonely, and she hates being alone. Most of the time she would demand to have physical contact with me even if I was only a few feet away. I didn't mind, I liked the constant reassurance, the affection. I miss her affection. I miss her.

*****

-Sarah-

It has been a week, no, a month, I don't even know anymore, since I was separated from Loki. My concept of time is completely gone. There is nothing in my cell except for the small cot, and bathroom area. I am completely secluded from any form of living things, other than the guards when they bring me food.

At first, I was a raging mess, always yelling at the guards, demanding to see Loki again, to let me out. I kept at that for a while before it became too tiring and I realized no matter how loud I would scream they would not listen. After that I went into a long phase of crying, sobbing my eyes out. Longing to see, hear, feel Loki again. To hear him read to me in his mysterious and alluring voice. Or watch his eyebrows scrunch as he focuses on his reading to himself. But most of all I wanted to feel his ever slightly cold body against mine. Somehow his cold still felt warm to me.

After crying for hours or days, I eventually turned to other forms of copying, sleeping to try to ignore reality, think back on when I was with him to pretend we aren't what feels like worlds apart. 

I had a particular period of hatred for myself, maybe days ago, feeling guilty, useless, hopeless. Basically feeling any possible way you could describe utterly and completely shitty. In this time I resorted to self-harm, using the plastic knife I was given at mealtime to slowly carve the internal pain I was experiencing, onto the outside. I wasn't in pain, it didn't hurt. I was numb. It was almost as if I had experienced the most amount of pain one can experience and now I was all runout.

Only after I acknowledged the dried blood on my wrists did I fully comprehend my actions. Why had I hurt myself? My whole life I had always wondered why people would self-harm. Now that I had done it, I truly didn't know why I did it myself. Then I thought of what Loki would think of this, of me. If we ever got out of here...I just know he would feel at fault and I can't stand that.

I haven't done anything like that since then. In fact, I have barely done anything since then. I just sit and lay around my cell staring at nothing, thinking, zoning out. I just don't feel like myself anymore. Without Loki it is like a part of me is missing. I am no longer whole, I am...hollow.

I feel hollow without him, empty. There is just this entire piece of me missing and there is nothing I can do to get it back.

*****

-Loki-

Sarah's screams echo in my head and have been ever since she was taken from me. Her words, 'Stop it!, Stop it!', repeat over and over. I should have been able to stop it, but I couldn't. I let them take the one good thing that has ever happened to me. Ever since she left my nightmares have become more frequent, every night now, and every single one ends with me hearing her scream right as she was knocked unconscious.

My plan for our escape has to work now, there is no other way. I don't know how much longer I can last in here without her. She was the only thing that brought me happiness. She was so sweet and cute with the way she would do ordinary things. She has a sort of dark humor and I like that. Her humor is different from mine, she will make jokes about dark things but somehow make light of it. She was always rather optimistic despite being locked in a cell for the unforeseeable future. I admire that about her. The simple ways she can make it all seem ok, how she can still have such a beautiful smile after months of isolation. I have never described my emotions as happy, but with her...I am happy. With her I am whole.

*****

*Authors Note*-I know this one is shorter but it is the in-between and I thought it was important to fill in that space. Also if this was too triggering for you please let me know so I don't write in that much detail in the future. Thank you!-Author