Clyde

The Alone

It's been a month since... that whole scene. I can't think about it.

Phil has progressively gotten more worried, I guess everyone has been. Winston is the only one who treats me like I'm not traumatized. He's been sticking around a lot more though. Sam has been trying, Phil has been trying, Papa has been trying.

It's made it a lot harder.

I'm anxious constantly, depressed. I find myself not being able to breathe, smoking more than usual, drinking. I don't talk to anyone.

I walked into the camp to go to my horse, planning to go downtown to get smokes.

"I don't know what to do. I've tried everything with her" Phil took a deep breath.

Sam took a second, "I don't know either Phil, she's just grieving. We all are".

"But she's killing herself Sam".

"We can't really do much about it".

Phil sighed, "I feel helpless".

"I do too".

"I love that girl, she's so great. I don't wanna see her like this. I don't like it".

Sam took a second, "We all love and care about her. She's like a little sister to me, and I've tried. We can't do much about it Phil. Let's just hope she gets better".

I got on my horse, went into town, got smokes, and went back. I set up by the shore again. I can't even go back into the tent without crying.

"Hey Amira" Phil came down to the shore.

I didn't answer.

"Dinner is ready. I know you haven't ate in a few, so I wanted to give you the opportunity. How's your wounds?".

I looked at my arm, but didn't answer.

"I can get Laura or Jessa to come take a look if you want".

I lit a smoke.

Phil sighed, "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow".

I slammed my empty beer bottle on a rock, and it shattered.

"You okay?!" Sam rushed over panicked.

I looked at him.

"You...you seem fine" Sam started to sound panicked.

He rushed away.

I listened.

"Don't touch me! I'm fucking done!" Sam yelled.

I felt my heart starting to race.

"I can't do this anymore! I can't!" Sams voice cracked.

I felt myself start to shake.

"I've lost everything! I have no one!" Sam started crying hysterically.

"You have me! Forgetting about your own wife?!" Jessa sounded upset.

"Truth be told?! I didn't even want to get married! I fucking hate, hate everything!".

"Samuel!".

"Sam hush now! You're being horrible!" Phil sounded upset.

"Screw you! SCREW YOU!".

"You're the one who said we can't do anything about this!".

Sam screamed, "BECAUSE I CANT DO IT! ITS ALL OUT OF MY CONTROL! I CANT!".

I heard a horse run off. Then I didn't hear much. I'm causing them all to have a breakdown.

Phil came over to shore, "Hey kid, thought you might wanna-".