Clyde

The Edge

It's been four days since the boys left, they all seemed in a big rush. I decided not to question it because they seemed so busy. Pa seemed concerned.

The past couple days without everyone has stressed me out horribly. Laura and Phil have noticed it as well. I'm trying to put a brace face on. But that pain, that pain of the brave face, makes me so utterly sick. I find myself needing a break after a conversation. To cry and scream into my arm, to throw up, to have a panic attack. I can't handle it.

I sat at the river a couple minutes down from the cabin, watching the river flow. The river in the forest make me feel at peace.

"Oh my fuck, there you are!" Pa called out.

I sighed, "Yeah".

"Why do you feel like it's okay to scare the bajesus out of your old man?!".

I didn't answer.

"Anyway, I'm glad I found you".

"Hm".

"Doing anything today?".

I shrugged.

Pa sighed, "Did you even hear me calling your name back there?".

"Yes. Very much so".

"And you didn't think to give me a shout?".

I didn't answer.

"Amira, little lady," Pa took a second, "You're scaring me".

"Okay".

Pa sighed, "Fuck, fuck!".

Pa left, and I was on my own again. I could tell he was starting to get frustrated with me. I went back to camp soon after. Pa sounded like he was going crazy. He needs to think I'm not on a verge of ending it all or he'll track down everyone.

"Hey" I spoke as I approached.

Pa looked at me from the meat tent, "Deciding to live?".

"Barely".

We laughed a little.

"You planning on doing anything tonight?" Pa asked.

"No, I think I'm peopled out from my night with Phil back there".

Pa nodded, "Sounds good. Small dinner tonight, I'm Thinking a meaty beef stew. Sound good?".

I smiled, "Perfect Pa".

"Laura is knitting in the house if you want her".

"Am I boring you yet?" I started walking behind the cabin.

Pa laughed.

I sat behind the cabin and started crying quietly.

"I've always wanted to see the city. I don't think I'd like it, but I've always wanted to say I've been there. Just to see it".

I closed my eyes. I eventually stopped crying, then just sat there blank. Staring into the forest.

"Pa told me you might be out here" Laura smiled, "Can I sit?".

"You even want to in your pretty lady dress?" I looked at her.

Laura shrugged, "A dress is a dress, this is a cheap house one anyway".

I smirked.

Laura sat down, "It's been quiet without all the boys here. Pa usually is pretty loud, but he ain't said a word".

"No kidding, we really need Phil back".

"What about Sam?" She asked.