Hopelessly Hoping

Chapter 14

Michael's P.O.V

"Michael, if you don't calm down while using that knife then you will seriously hurt yourself" a stern voice said from behind me. I threw a quick glance over my shoulder hoping to see her, but it is only Shaylene standing in the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Well then it will just prove how incapable I am of doing things!" I snapped, but didn't mean to. It's not her fault that I have been in such a bad mood these last six days. Yeah, it is six days since my heart was broken and since then I have been trying to keep myself together, but as you can see I'm failing miserably.

"What are you talking about?" Shaylene asked, coming to stand next to me. "What do you mean?" she was trying to get the truth out of me.

I stopped chopping the vegetables and averted my gaze from her. "I mean exactly what I mean" I said clenching my jaw.

"Now that's just being childish, Michael" she reprimanded.

"Great! Let's add another one to the list! What I have so far is, I'm childish and very much incapable of doing simple things!" I said in fake cheeriness, but my voice broke a little.

I heard a sigh escape her lips. She stepped closer to me and wrapped her arms around me, trying to comfort me. "Alright talk. I'm listening"

"What's there to talk about when you can clearly see that I'm hanging on a thread, fighting to keep myself together?" I asked, looking straight into her eyes.

"I see so, yes, but I want to understand why my cousin has been so distant and angry for almost a week now" she said, tilting her head to the side and studied me.

"I thought I could do it, but was proven wrong in an instant" I started and shook my head disappointedly. "All she needed was a good guy. One who would not fail in loving her the right way, or putting a permanent smile on her face. I thought I could be the guy that could do it, but I'm incapable of doing those two little things"

"No, Michael. Listen to me, you can do those things, it just all takes time. You might be blinded by heartache right now, but don't for one moment think that you had not made her in the least bit happy. Trust me on this one, the minute you walked in by t door, is the same minute things changed. Yes, it was complicated at first, but not so anymore. When she needed someone, your arms were open wide for her to run into them, offering her the necessary comfort she seeks. She started opening up to you. There is no doubt that she has developed feelings for you-"

"That's where you wrong, Shaylene" I said and started chopping the vegetables again, but applying more force this time. I felt my eyes water as the hurtful words she said to me repeated itself in my head. "She told me that she only said yes, because it was what I wanted to me hear. She said giving me- giving us a chance was a mistake" I said softly, trying to keep my voice steady. "She said t-that I m-meant nothing t-to her" I stuttered as a tear escaped between my eyelashes.

"Oh my... I'm so sorry, Michael" she said and tightened her hold around me. I dropped the knife hard and hugged her back. I willed myself to calm down and the sad tears to stop. I pulled away once I knew I wouldn't cry again. I hated that Cassidy made me so emotional! It is wrong for men to cry. Men who cry are weak. I am not weak! I wiped my face from any emotion, attempting to keep myself strong. "I don't understand her motives. I don't understand it at all. It is clear to see that she feels something for you, so why lie about it? Honestly, I think that something forced her to say those things to you. It has to be that. It is the only thing that could have any sort of explanation"

"So you saying that she only lied to protect something?" I asked her feeling confused.

"That's exactly what I am saying!" she exclaimed. "It is obvious that she doesn't want this. Whenever you around, she looks at you longingly, like she wishes to be with you. I never understood why she looked at you like that, but now I do. She is not happy with her decision, but she cannot do anything about it. She has to pretend, to protect"