The Struggles of Growing Up-Completed

Chapter 6

Who knew cuddling next to my boyfriend could make cartoons seem so romantic? OK, almost.

It's Thursday night, my last night of freedom before Maia arrives. I guess the only way I could cuddle with Zach at his house is if I bring Maia along. No. How awkward.

We haven't brought up our talk in his office, and I don't want to. I haven't thought about what I'm going to do. I shudder. Thinking about it scares me.

"Cold?" Zach murmurs as he places a kiss in my hair. I nod, not really finding the strength to talk. I don't want to talk, I just want to be with him. He pulls me closer against his chest. I look up at him, and before he can even finish his smile, press my lips against his, taking him by surprise.

He hesitates for a second, then trails his hands up to my cheeks and I wrap mine around his neck. He groans, and I try to deepen the kiss. It's most likely the last time in a while we'll be alone, and I want this. I love him, I want this.

He kisses me harder, and I take that as a good sign. I'm now sort of straddling him on his lap, which gives me the perfect angle to unbutton his shirt. I work quickly before he can stop me, but there's so many buttons! He pulls away from the kiss, both of us panting, but freezes when he realizes I'm unbuttoning his shirt. He doesn't stop me, and I don't stop either. Even though he's looking at me with a puzzled expression, I concentrate on his shirt.

"Emma." He breathes. I'm at the last button, but I just leave his shirt open, since I can't really take it off of him. Wow, he has a nice chest. Ugh, you've seen it before you doof.

"What?" I say, breathing hard a little. He's going to stop this, I know he will.

"We-we can't." He mumbles. I sigh in frustration and get off his lap, sitting next to him but with enough space. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him buttoning his shirt again.

"Why?" I say, still looking at the TV. I'm genuinely hurt, like the two other times I've practically thrown myself at him. He can most likely see it in my face.

"B- Because... we just can't Emma, not now." He pleads, while trying to take my hand, but I snatch it away. I don't want him to touch me right now.

"Am I not... sexy enough? Not pretty enough?" I whisper, blushing, but I try to stake my claim. It's embarassing that I feel this way around my four slash five year long boyfriend. His eyes go wide.

"No! Emma, you're gorgeous and definitely sexy-"

"Then why don't you want to have sex with me?" I whisper again. I can't believe I said that out loud, it's the first time I've acknowledged his hesitancy, no, probably resistance.

He sighs and softens, "Emma, it's complicated." I just stare at him. Why won't he tell me? I thought we opened up and talked about everything? I mean, even though I was scared of talking to him about the company, I still did. He's the only one I would talk to. Now, I'm hurt because he won't tell me.

"I should go." I mutter, getting up and slipping my jacket on. He just looks at me but the bone chilling thing is that he didn't try to stop me. He said bye while still sitting on the couch, his shirt only half buttoned.

What if he doesn't want to have sex with me because he's getting it from someone else. No, he would never hurt me like that. Right?

That night I dream about Zach and some older, taller, curvier blonde. It's not like he couldn't get a hot girl, and the thought scares me.

"Emma, wake up!" I hear my mom yell, but it sounds closer, way more audible. Geez, these covers are warm and suffocating. I peek open my eyes and she's staring at me.