The Struggles of Growing Up-Completed

Chapter 36

Markson takes me back to my house, not Remlor.

He helps me walk up to the front door, where I tell him I'll be fine, alone. Now, suddenly, the creme colored walls of the house and boring, tan furniture irritate me.

It's a small house but for just one person living here, it's too big. It makes me feel small, sad. I was ok with living in this house for the summer, since my mom insisted, but it's not the one I grew up in. It's not one of them, I should say. It was my mom's old house, that's it, and frankly, it just makes me sad. It makes me feel lonely.

I was just about to sit and relax when I hear a knock on the door. Whoever was at the door, however, didn't care enough to wait for me to open the door since they barged in rather noisily. Now, if it were a burglar, I would be in serious trouble, as I only have one fully functional leg at the moment.

But, through the clanking of a suitcase, jingling of keys, and a curse word, I realize it's my mother.

"I knocked on the door but I had forgotten you have a broken leg." She said with a hint of irritation. I must look ridiculous to her, my mouth gaping wide open, my body frozen in its place, partly because of my damn leg. She raises her eyebrows at me as if saying "what?"

"What are you doing here?" I ask, horrified. She frowns, and walks closer to me.

"You were in an accident. You lost a baby", she says bluntly, "I didn't even know you were pregnant." I close my eyes to hold in the sting, to hold back the tears I tried so hard to keep at bay. I've gotten a little better at dealing with what's happened, but the way she says it makes me feel like I'm in the hospital all over again.

"That was weeks ago." I pretend to look at something on my phone, so as not to give her so much satisfaction like I really cared. On the inside, though, I'm in absolute shock. I can't believe her audacity to just barge in on her own time, when I have already passed the most difficult part.

"I couldn't leave work so abruptly, I had a deadline." She says simply, quietly.

"Right, wouldn't want to be an inconvenience for you," I mutter.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She crosses her arms in front of her, like she's scolding me for a bad attitude. This whole conversation is ridiculous and I would have stormed out of there, if I could. Damn leg.

"Nothing." I say softly, not looking up. In that moment I decided I didn't want to get into it with her.

"You are so difficult, you don't understand." She sighs and drags her suitcase into her room.

I stand in place, concentrating on my now erratic breathing. 

Suddenly I felt a surge of rage, a surge of anger at my mother, who should have been there for me. She should have dropped her damn job to be here for me. Zach did. He was here for me. He is here for me.

What does she want now, coming here weeks later? What's the point now? I don't need her anymore. She has always made decisions that benefit her first, that suit her the best. It has to be why I was always closer to my dad, he was more selfless, he cared about me.

And that's fine, God knows I've made decisions solely for myself before...

But she's my mother. That has to count for something else, right?

I never really confronted her about it, too. I sort of did, after I found out the truth about the arranged marriage, but it was more like me cutting ties with her. Or, trying to. I am living in her house, I never really cut ties with her.