"You just don't get it, do you?" He says in such a low voice it's almost a whisper. He leans back into his desk, and I finally notice that my feet hurt. They're probably swelling already.
I want to say "get what?" but his tone sounds so serious and hurt that I don't have the courage to say anything right now.
He continues.
"You don't want your life to change. You want everything to stay the same and be perfect. I don't want that. Sometimes you only think of yourself, and it makes me wonder if you'll ever grow up.
"I was happy when you told me about the baby. I was ready, I've... Been getting ready." His voice falters, but then continues.
"You don't want this baby. You don't want change. So you don't want me."
He looks at me again, then starts towards the door.
With silent tears running down my cheeks, I stop him.
"Wait, Zach." He briefly stops and continues, seeing that I don't know what to say. I just don't want him to leave just yet.
"It's ok. We have fundamental differences. You want your job, your career and that's great. You're just starting your life, but I want—" he stops, sighs, then walks out the door.
He didn't need to say it, he doesn't try to convince me or talk to me. He just left.
He didn't need to say how badly I messed up.
He didn't need to say that he wanted to marry me. The look on his face said it all. Well, that, and the faint, black velvet box sitting at the edge of his desk.
Somehow in a daze I find a spot at a table and I listen to the LA Foundation's main coordinator present a speech. There aren't any chairs, just tall tables to stand around. Honestly though, I'm not really listening to her. I keep thinking about Zach. I lost him. I hurt him badly. Here I was being selfish and he wanted this family, he wanted to marry me.
Coming here was a mistake. Between my hormones and sad feelings I'm going to burst into tears any second. I need to go home. I don't want Zach to see me, I wouldn't know what to say. I'm embarrassed at how selfish I've been, putting my problems and needs before his.
I shouldn't have argued about how bad getting pregnant was. This isn't how it's supposed to be.
While they're making speeches, I make my donation, finally, and slowly walk out.
Not even couture could make me happy today.
I'm in the hotel lobby when I hear Zach calling out to me.
I turn around and he's walking towards me. I instinctively leave my hand on my belly.
He walks towards me slowly now, and I focus on him. His hair, eyes, lips, his stride. I don't know if I'll be seeing much of it now so I take my time and soak him all in.
I wonder if Sesame will look like him, smile like him.
"Emma, I didn't know you would be here."
YOU ARE READING
The Struggles of Growing Up-Completed
Romance*Second book to the Struggles Series. Please read The Struggles of Being a Teenage Wife first* Emma Rembrandt has been through a lot in her past teen years. She didn't know that the death of her father, and years later his best friend's death, wou...
