Baby

2

December 15, 1989

She was losing her mind. It had been two weeks since she asked Lindsey to adopt a baby with her, and he hasn't called her back with an answer. She knew it was a heavy thing to ask him, but she also knew that Lindsey wanted children and has wanted children since the seventies. And they almost did have a child, but she miscarried and then their relationship problems started. 

Stevie was antsy pacing around her bedroom and then she spies the baby doll and she bites her lip. She rips off her blouse and she grabs one of her breasts out of her bra and then she reaches over and grabs the baby doll and she places it against her nipple and she starts rocking back and forth and caressing the baby's head and she sings Landslide to her, but halfway through the song, she realizes that the baby isn't suckling and she starts crying and she throws the doll against the wall it shattering in the process and she screams loudly going over and trying to gather up the pieces screeching as she cuts her finger on some of the glass. 

And it was at that moment that Karen burst through the door. "Stevie, what's going on?" 

"I want a baby. I want a baby. I want a baby." She rocks back and forth and Karen can see the blood dripping down her arm and she quickly runs into Stevie's master bathroom and grabs some toilet paper. She then makes her way back to Stevie who's still rocking back and forth on the floor and takes Stevie's left hand and sees the cut on her pointer finger. 

Karen examines the cut not seeing any glass in it, places the wad of tissue on the cut causing Stevie to hiss and break free from her mental freak out. 

"What the fuck happened?" 

"I don't know I was just about to ask you the same thing." Karen points to the shattered porcelain doll.

"OH MY GOD MY DOLLY!" She gasps trying to grab at it and Karen grabs her other hand with her free hand.

"That's why we're in this mess." She scolds showing Stevie the toilet paper where blood was slowly starting to seep through. 

"It's going to need a stitch." Stevie sighs shaking her head.

"Well let's...okay you need a stitch. Get some more toilet paper, put a shirt on, and then I'll take you to the ER." Karen nods. 

***

Stevie was sitting in the ER waiting for her discharge papers after they super glued her finger and wrapped it up when Karen just looked at her.

"Do you want to tell me what that was about?" 

"I'm forty-one Karen." She sighs.

"I know...what does that have to do with everything." Karen nods.

"I had four abortions and a miscarriage what do you think it's about?" Stevie asks.

"Stevie, honestly,  I don't know..." Karen shakes her head.

"I want a baby. So badly." Stevie starts getting teary-eyed. 

"So you throw your baby doll against the wall?" Karen asks.

"I asked Lindsey...Lindsey Buckingham...if he'd try and adopt a baby with me. Two weeks ago, the day we got back from tour. And he said he had to think about it, but it's been two weeks and I haven't heard anything from him so I had a little mini freak out. I um...I tried to breastfeed the doll and it didn't...it didn't suckle and I just got mad because it wasn't a real-life baby." Stevie explains.

"Well, that explains why when I got into your bedroom you were topless with your boob hanging out." Karen sighs.

"You probably want to take me upstairs and admit me now don't you." Stevie chuckles looking down at her skirt.

"No, it's a logical thing. You want a baby and that's not a bad thing. If you want, if you really want me too I can start looking into adoption agencies." Karen smiles.

"Would you please?" Stevie bites her lip.

"Of course...as soon as we get back home, I'll start looking. Do you want me to leave you alone tonight?" Karen asks.

"Yes, you weren't even supposed to be at my house any way you're on Vacation." Stevie states.

"Well, it technically starts on Monday so I was just finishing up some small things before I completely dropped off the face of the earth through January 1st," Karen explains.

"At least it was my left hand and I'll still be able to write, draw, cook." Stevie shrugs.

"Well, it's just your pointer finger you would've been able to anyway." Karen also shrugs.

"I was trying to make a point." Stevie rolls her eyes.

***

December 18, 1989

Stevie was in the middle of packing to go to Arizona for Christmas. Her brother and Lori Perry, her background singer, and his girlfriend would be attempting the six-hour drive by themselves for the first time instead of flying so it was bound to be interesting. 

She was folding up a cashmere sweater when her phone rings and she casts her gaze over to it before sinking onto her bed and picking up the receiver. 

"Steph?" 

"Lindsey, you just caught me. I'm getting ready to head to Pheonix." She starts gnawing on her lip because she knows that what's about to be said is going to be either rip her heart out of her chest or it's going to make her the happiest person in the world. 

"So I've been thinking about it and looking into this adoption stuff, and you're right...We're not getting any younger and I want to be a dad before I'm fifty...so I think we should do it. I think we should adopt together." 

"REALLY! Oh Lindsey, thank you so much." Stevie cheers.

"Wait, Angel...I've been looking into it and we'll have a better shot at this if we're married." Lindsey sighs.

"Lindsey that's a big step..." Stevie trials off.

"I know, but the agencies are going to look at what's the best interest for the child and if it comes down to us or another family, and we're not married, the other family is going to get the baby because we'd pose a flight risk," Lindsey explains.

"So what are you saying..." Stevie inquires.

"I'm saying that I'll do this with you to a point. If we really want to do this and go all the way with it, It'd be best if we marry...but if you don't want to marry me, I'll understand. I'll still be there for support but I won't be adopting the baby with you..." Lindsey tells her.

"Lindsey I need to think about this." Stevie shakes her head.

"I know you do. Merry Christmas... I'll be at my mom's in San Francisco if you need to talk to me."