Hand in Hand

18. Appreciation *

She looked at him with a questioning smile. It was so innocent compared to the timid and horrific expressions he saw regularly. Levi looked from her eyes to her hands, which covered his own. She would never know how her touch was making his heart race.

When (y/n) hadn't returned from Jinae with Erwin, Levi's first thought wasn't that something horrible had happened to her, it was that she was alone with Erwin, and he had no idea where. He kicked himself for thinking such a tactless thought. His first thought should be her and Erwin's safety, but he couldn't help it. Anxiety churned in his stomach at the thought of them shacked up in some old farm town playing husband and wife.

"Levi, have you been waiting long?"

"Have I-" He was at a loss for words. One look at her and he had forgotten all about his anger. "What did you say?"

(Y/n) shook her head. "I asked if you had been waiting long."

Levi watched the way the light from the window glimmered on the soft lines of her face as she spoke. She was still holding his hands in hers.

'Why are you still holding my hands?' Levi thought. His eyes wandered up her arms. There were grooves from muscle and faint marks from years of service. He wondered why she would just let him stare and admire her without protest.

'This feels too intimate. I've never seen her act this way before. It's as if she... what?'

"Did you say something?" Levi asked.

"You didn't hear me? I just said that I was sorry about me and Commander Erwin not coming back yesterday. The rain was too harsh."

Something like a switch in the back of Levi's mind was flipped on. He snatched his hands back, letting the hot teacup fall and soak into the wooden floor.

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure you and Erwin had fun playing house."

(Y/n) winced at the few hot droplets of tea that managed to sting her skin as the cup fell. "Play house? What the hell are you talking about?"

"You'd be wise to watch your tone with me," Levi scolded. Walking over to his desk he added, "Is there some reason you and Erwin needed to visit the old grandparents? Need their blessing for some special reason?" He fumbled with the cabinets, looking for a distraction.

"Don't just walk away from me," (y/n) snapped, following him to his desk. "And don't make stupid remarks about me or Commander Erwin. The entire reason I went back to Jinae was-"

He quickly held up a hand to her face and scoffed. "Forget it, I don't need to know the logistics. Just don't expect me at your baby shower throwing rice."

"That's for a wedding! Why do you always switch up like this?"

"Look!"

(Y/n) stiffened. He was upset, really upset. She could tell from the red around his tired, dark eyes and how his tight grip on the desk was making his knuckles white. Besides all that, he looked worn out and defeated. He stood there before her, showing her anger, but his body gave off a different, almost saddened aura.

"Look," he repeated, his tone softened. "You've ruined my tea," he pointed to the chipped cup on the floor, "and now you've ruined my day. I could care less what you or Erwin choose to do with your lives, just don't get me involved."

"Don't be such a liar Levi..." she whispered.

"What did you sa-"

"Don't be such a liar!"

The sight of her tears balling at the sides of her eyes was enough to melt Levi. 'She's crying out of frustration...'

"Don't pretend that you don't care about Commander Erwin." (Y/n) licked the small tears that had fallen off her lips and looked at Levi through blurry lashes. "And don't act as if you could care less what happens to me or your cadets. I've seen you out on missions, the way your heart seems to drop when we're tallying up the dead bodies. You care, so don't act like you don't."