Out of my League

Chapter Twenty

I don't know what to do with myself. I have barely talked to anyone since I got the news about my mother, it's only been two days but I've still only talked to Hermione and Oliver. I really had the worst weekend of my life, I had terrible stomach and headaches.

And about an hour after Oliver told me I threw up a few times. Luckily I had made it to the bathroom but it was still mortifying even though I only told Hermione. I would've only gotten sick once but I looked inside the toilet stupidly so I threw up again twice.

It's Monday so I'm going to be forced to speak to other people such as professors and other students.

I keep my head down while walking through the halls to Defense Against the Dark Arts. Hopefully nobody will notice me.

Luckily I can make it to the class, weaving in and out of groups of students while staying unnoticed.

I drop my book bag down and plop down into my regular spot next to Harry. Today is the first day he hasn't rolled his eyes at my presences in a while so I guess that's a start.

I clear my throat to hopefully get Harry's attention without getting Professor Moody's as well. Harry quickly turns his head at me as if he was anxiously waiting for me to say something to him.

I decide it's probably not a good idea to talk during Moody's lesson so I write Harry a note in the margin of my book.

Do you think we could talk after class?

Once Moody isn't looking I slide the book over to Harry's side of the desk.

He crinkles his nose while looking at the question then begins to scribble next to my writing.

Why? I thought you 'hated me'

Well I guess I have a reason not to anymore. Please, it's sort of important.

Fine. I told Cho I would meet her in the library today at 4:00 you can come at 3:30.

Cho? What does he want with Cho Chang?

I didn't know you were friends with her.

I begin to get an aching feeling in my stomach again but I have a feeling that it's not for the same reasons as the ones I had got this weekend.

We wrote back and forth a few times over winter break. What about it?

Nothing, I'll see you at 3:30.

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The library is empty besides Harry once I enter, he's sitting relatively far from the door. He's very fidgety and nervous looking so I approach him while making my presence clear not to startle him.

"Hi uhm will this be quick? I'm just seeing Cho  after this and-"

"Yeah you told me." I say bitterly. I quickly realize how rude I sounded and start to explain myself "I mean, it's just that this is really important to me and you're the only person that I know that I can talk to about it." I feel a lump start to form in my throat.

"It's ok, you can tell me now. I'm listening." I think he noticed me start to get choked up because his tone completely changed.

"I don't want to bombard you with questions about your life but I know someone, a friend, who's parent is dying and she wants to know how to cope with it and I thought you would know since you seem to have turned out pretty ok." I explain.

I wasn't planning on opening up to him so I came up with that backstory. He slightly raises an eyebrow at me, he knows something's off with my story but I have a feeling he still doesn't know I'm actually talking about myself.

"Well, I play quidditch. I don't know if your friend has a hobby or something but that helps. I also have Hermione and Ron. They're my real family." He admits.

"Oh." Is all I can manage to come up with. It just makes me so sad that he doesn't even like his blood related family.

"Well I mean, I'm sure your friend has more people to go to than I do. I'm an only child and the only biological family I have other than my parents are the Dursley's. I'm sure you've heard stories about them but they're pretty terrible." He explains.

He's right, I have Oliver and my dad and plenty of friends at Hogwarts. The only issue is, I cant bring myself to tell any of them how I feel.

I see him look up quickly at the door, I also turn my head to see what's caught his attention. It's Cho, she's come at least fifteen minutes early.

"I'll be going now." I begin to stand up but he cuts in with one more comment.

"Why don't you tell your friend to come and talk to me personally some time?" He asks.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe." I say with a half smile.

My stomach hurts again once Cho walks past me and takes the seat I was formerly sitting in. Harry's face lights up once she makes eye contact with him.

Oh no, how could I be so late to notice, he fancies her.

I mean it's no surprise, almost everyone does. She's so pretty, and nice. She's the kind of girl that boys pride themselves in asking out, even if she denies them, just gaining the courage to do so is impressive. She's so dainty and ladylike, she's soft spoken too, and polite. She's the type of girl who gets love letters from people she's never met and brushes it off because it happens so often.

It's hard to admit, but she's the type of girl that every other girl is jealous of. Including me, but not for the same reasons as everyone else.

Most girls would want the amount of attention she gets, or want to be as pretty as her. But I'm just jealous that she has effortlessly made the boy that I have slowly started to fancy over time notice her.

But he wouldn't like me anyways because I've spent the last year hating him and making it clear that he knows that, until this year where I only hated him for a couple of weeks until it was just an act. Unfortunately I played the role too well and I've done permanent damage to our relationship. Not that we had a relationship in the first place.

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