Out of my League

Chapter Thirty Eight

I have so much work lately, there's no time to do anything else. No time to go watch Harry's practices, to hang out with friends... to eat.

I hate it, I hate how I look and I hate how I feel, but I can't stop it's addicting, the feeling of an empty stomach. I have to be a bit more careful though, Harry seems to be catching on a bit. Luckily he's sort of preoccupied with his dreams and other stuff like that so he doesn't come to most meals and if he does he's very late.

There's more negatives than positives to eating the way I am but the positives seem so good. The one thing that does continue to hold me back is the constant fatigue and being dizzy every time I do something that uses too much energy.

I'm a little surprised that Hermione hasn't said anything yet, she's obviously noticed. She's always looking at me when she thinks I'm not paying attention and studying my mannerisms. Right now she's doing it, hiding her nose in a book while peaking over at me. I'm just sitting here but I can feel her paranoid eyes on me.

It's been sort of a boring day so far, usually Harry and I go somewhere around the castle to talk but we're just sitting on the sofa in the common room doing our own thing.

It's so quite in the common room, usually there's plenty of conversation and mingling but today just feels a little off. I'm feeling a bit sick, probably due to the cold weather.

I tap Harry as gently as possible but he still jumps. "Sorry, I was just wondering if you want to go on a walk." I ask.

He smiles and starts to get up, I mimic his actions and follow him out of the common room. He reaches for my hand, I've noticed that he has this obsession with holding hands. Whenever we're able to he always wants to hold hands, I like it though.

"Where do you want to go?" He asks. We try to go different places every day, that way we can see the whole castle together. We end up taking a bunch of random turns until we make a circle or turn out at a place that we already know.

"You know that supply close that we went past last time?" I ask, he nods "We took a left, this time we'll take a right." I say.

"Brilliant."

"I love it when you say that." I point out.

"What?" He asks. He says it in nearly every sentence so I'm not surprised that he has no clue what I'm talking about.

"Nothing, it's not important." I decide it's better not to point it out and make him self conscious.

We keep walking around the castle, making sure to not let our hands separate and enjoy spending time with each other for the most part.

It's now getting sort of late now and Harry and I are still wondering around. It's my favorite thing to do with him. Although my headache is starting to ruin it, he'll say something and I have to make him repeat it multiple times and it makes me feel horrible.

I'm sure he's taken some sort of notice to me acting a little off.

"Are you sick? You seem a bit off." He asks.

"No."

What's wrong with me? Why do I have to lie to him, it makes me feel so guilty. But telling him the truth sounds painful almost.

All I know is my head hurts and I don't know how much longer I can walk around. I just feel so selfish making him go back when we've only been out for an hour at most.

"You can tell me..." he trails off but his mouth is still moving, I just can't hear. It's the weirdest thing I've ever experienced, I can tell that he's still talking but no noise is coming out, I try blinking hard a few times because that helps sometimes, but it only makes it worse. I feel my legs become weaker and my hands start to shake.