Amaranth

Chapter 7: Carnation

This chapter is a bit heavier than planned, but it I think it really shows Mikasa's true feelings toward herself about the things she's done in the past. I also feel this was hella dramatic -as I make blindingly obvious in the work itself- so sorry if people hate it for that. Anyway, if you're sensitive to heavy things, I suggest you be careful with this chapter, but I do recommend you read it to get the gist since it's a rather important chapter.

Also, would you all liked me to, at the beginning of each chapter, explain flower's symbolism in the chapter title? I recently realized it's hard to find the meaning I'm after when googling the flowers and their meanings, so it might be beneficial for me to put them in them in the chapter somewhere. Here in the notes, maybe?

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"Mika," she heard a familiar voice.

"Mama!" Mikasa exclaimed as she jumped into her mother's arms, "Where'd you go?"

"I had to go into town," her mother said with a smile.

"Where's E?" Mikasa asked as she looked around.

"E is going to stay with my parents for a while," her mother told her as she patted her head, "Okay?"

"Oh, okay," Mikasa said with a smile, "Can we see her again soon?"

"I don't know," her mother said honestly, "We'll try, okay?"

"Okay, Mama," Mikasa said with a smile.

"Okay," her mother nodded, and Mikasa felt water fall onto her face.

"Are you crying, Mommy?" Mikasa asked her mother.

"I just miss her," her mother admitted.

"Me too, Mama."

********

Mikasa sprang up from bed in a cold sweat. She panted as she tried to calm her racing heart. She cautiously looked to her side, happy to see that Bertholdt was still asleep. Good, I didn't wake him, Mikasa thought, relieved.

Mikasa rolled out of the bed as she stretched a little and quietly walked down the stairs. She stopped at the island counter, leaning against it and stretching her legs out as she took deep breaths. She then grabbed a bottle of water and drank it, followed by some aspirin some kind soul had left on the counter earlier in the night.

4 in the morning, huh? Mikasa thought as she checked the time, I only got three hours of sleep then? Oh well. Thinking she wouldn't be getting back to sleep anytime soon, she opened the sliding glass doors leading to the backyard and walked towards the lake. It was a short walk, and with the moon still in the sky, it made for beautiful scenery. She stopped at the edge of the dock and sat criss-cross. She propped her elbows up on her knees and put her chin on her hand as she thought.

Who was "E"? I vaguely remember calling someone by that nickname, but who were they to me? Who were they to my parents? I know I missed them, and my mother did as well. They must've been important then.

Either way, I guess it's not really important anymore, is it? she thought to herself. She laughed bitterly as she laid on her back, putting her arms over her stomach as she stared at the sky.

Sometimes, I wish I had more time with them, she thought sadly as she extended a hand to the sky, Maybe I could've known more about my heritage, my family? Maybe I could've ended up with someone other than the Jaegers, not that they're bad. I might've known who E was or met my grandparents.