14. Fighting My Darkness

34 3 0
                                    

I stared blankly out over the roof of the castle, admiring the soft moonlight as it fell on the turrets and reflected back coolly from the windows

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.

I stared blankly out over the roof of the castle, admiring the soft moonlight as it fell on the turrets and reflected back coolly from the windows. I was sitting with my feet dangling over the edge of the Astronomy tower, tucked against a pillar and out of sight of everyone and everything. I sniffled as I fought another wave of tears and sadness, leaning my head to the side so I could wipe my tears with my shoulder.

I felt broken and empty and not in the least bit confident, despite my adamant words against these things having any effect on me. I was supposed to be stronger than this, strong enough to fight off everything that came at me. But I wasn't. I was just a stupid little girl with a broken heart and no safe place to call home. I shook my head as I leaned it against my crossed arms on the bar in front of me, trying to calm myself from my unforgiving thoughts.

I sucked in a harsh breath as the first audible cry broke across the sound barrier. And then I couldn't stop myself as I buried my head in my hands and my shoulders shook with loud, heart-wrenching sobs. I shivered against the cold that seemed to come both from the brisk air around me and from within. I froze even further as a warm jacket was draped around my shoulders and a quiet shadow took the seat next to me.

"I missed you today," Hoseok said, his voice tentative and soft.

I hiccupped and sniffled, unable to stop the tears as his kindness only made me want to cry harder. "I'm sorry," I said between shuddering breaths as I attempted to wrestle control of myself away from the darkness. "I didn't mean..."

He laughed lightly, almost guiltily as he put his arm over my shoulder and pulled me into his side. "You don't have to apologize, Aislinn. Sometimes feelings hurt and there isn't anything to do but cry until you can pick your head back up and move on." His words were spoken against the side of my head as he did his best to comfort me.

I held my breath as everything seemed to crash into me at once and then I turned into him, wrapping my arms around his middle and burying my face in his neck as I cried harder than I ever had in my life. He held me close and rubbed my back, silent as the night. He didn't try to fix me or stop me or make me ashamed of my weakness. He was just... there. Through everything else that pushed against my mind and my heart, this thought was the strongest.

Hoseok was here, with me, comforting me. And I didn't care that I was in love with him, even if it was scary. I didn't care that he would never love me back. None of that mattered because he was here and for the first time in so long I didn't even know how to measure it, I didn't feel alone. I cried until my tears dried up even if my heart still squeezed and convulsed, but I didn't let him go.

"Close your eyes?" His words were a command but he spoke them like a question and I found myself obeying as I nodded at him. A moment later I felt as he shifted his position and gently cupped my face in his hands, softly brushing my tears with his thumbs. "You get kind of splotchy when you cry." I couldn't help but giggle as I felt more tears leaking down my face. "Was it that Gryffindor kid?" He asked, trying to keep his voice free of anger or vengeance.

Read my heart, not my mindWhere stories live. Discover now