Read my heart, not my mind

26. Memories and Kisses

My first instinct was to run but my body was too tired for that. I looked over my shoulder, hating how I still had to fight with myself just to keep from looking at him. His memory had been terrible but the pull of his enchanting dark eyes was almost enough to make me forget. I shook my head because the only image I could recall of them was when they were full of pain that I caused.

"I haven't been avoiding you." I said softly, knowing that wasn't exactly a lie.

The Great Hall had less than one tenth of its normal population but that still was too crowded for Hoseok. "Can we go somewhere and talk?" He asked, keeping his voice low. I could only nod as I tried to tuck my heart further and further away so I could survive this new heartbreak that was sure to undo me. Hoseok grabbed my hand carefully, interlocking our fingers before he started walking.

Were his hands always this big and warm? I asked myself, looking down in confusion. It was the same hand I remembered but for some reason it felt like he could grasp the whole world and tuck it neatly between his thumb and forefinger like a muggle magician hiding a coin. I couldn't focus on anything but the silver infinity ring on his finger and how it made the matching charm on my bracelet warm in a different way than the ring Jimin wore.

I looked up in surprise when he finally stopped walking. We were in an unfamiliar room in the basement of the castle. It reminded me a lot of the Hufflepuff common room except that the ceiling was taller and the bright windows near the top of the wall clearly showed the feet of snow that covered the ground. There was a small fireplace in one corner that burned low for a second before Hoseok took out his wand and brought it magically back to life.

The floor was covered in an array of mismatched rugs while a single, threadbare but cozy sofa sat in the middle of the room. Under the hanging copper lights near the wall opposite the door was an old, rickety looking wooden table. It was a little messy and covered in a strange array of tools. The room smelled a little like burning metal and a little damp but overall it wasn't unpleasant. I let go of Hoseok's hand and walked toward the table, examining the many tools that I didn't recognize.

Hoseok came to stand behind me, I could feel his gaze on me but I didn't know what to say. "My father was a silversmith and he taught me how to work the metal. Granted it is easier with magic, you wouldn't believe the rotten egg smell that used to linger on his clothes." He said in a light hearted way that made it difficult to read his tone.

I nodded and moved away, not wishing to linger on thoughts like that. I sat on the sofa, pulling my legs up under me as I fought a yawn. "Where are we?" I asked, my voice heavy.

Hoseok came and sat on the other end of the couch, turning to face me as he too tucked his feet under him. "Hogwarts has a great tolerance for muggle crafts, surprisingly. Jeongguk paints, if you didn't know that about him. But they had nothing for metal working. When I asked about it, McGonagall gave me permission to use one of the empty rooms. I like this one because it is easy to make it cozy and I don't disturb anyone with clanking and stuff when I'm here."

I looked around again, impressed. "So this is like your own little work shop?" I wondered.

"Something like that." He replied. I nodded, letting my head rest on the back of the couch as I turned more fully to see him. His arms were hanging over his bent knees as they pulled up slightly. He was wearing a simple white sweater that hung loosely around his upper body and tight, ripped acid washed jeans that instantly brought a blush to my face because of how they hugged his thighs. "I'm sorry." He said suddenly, sounding rushed.

I shook my head, fighting the urge to cry as I refused his apology as wholly unnecessary. "You don't have to apologize, Hobi." I spoke quickly so I could say everything in my heart before I completely fell apart. "What I did is unforgivable and I am so sorry and ashamed and I really didn't know how to face you. I wasn't trying to avoid you, it was more like avoiding myself."