Read my heart, not my mind

28. Taehyung's Birthday

The day before Taehyung's birthday found me sitting alone in the bright alcove, lost in my thoughts. I smiled when I saw Hobi come around the corner. He squeezed my hand and planted a kiss on my hair before jumping onto the barrel next to me. "How are you feeling about tomorrow?" He wondered.

"I'm a little nervous." I admitted, playing with my fingers.

"You shouldn't be," He countered, shaking his head, the note of pride still evident in his tone. "You haven't exactly mastered looking at people yet but you've come so far in the last few days, I don't think there will be a problem."

"Not about that." I laughed lightly, knowing that as strange as it sounded I was actually rather confident in my ability to no longer delve to the deepest, worst memory of anyone unlucky enough to meet my gaze. I'd been looking people directly in the eye for the last few days and only ever got a small glimpse into what they were thinking or feeling at that moment. I was a little angry that it seemed so easy to overcome, irritated that no one thought to teach me to control my own mind before I made friends who loved me. I sighed and shook my head, frustrated but trying not to hold onto such useless emotions.

"Why then?" Hobi asked, looking up briefly when he heard Namjoon approaching as the taller boy came around the corner.

"What if they don't like my gifts?" I asked, fighting back the anxiety that I only recently discovered. I'd been painstakingly searching for the perfect gifts for my friends over the last month but I wasn't sure I'd gotten anything right. I wanted to send them by owl post but Hobi said we would exchange gifts in person when we all met in Hogsmeade.

"Judging based on what you got Jimin for his birthday, I'm sure that won't be a problem." Namjoon said, leaning with his arms crossed against the open door frame. "Besides, I think they all will be exhilarated that you two stopped chasing each other and are finally together." He chuckled breathily, making me blush.

"What do you mean 'chasing each other'?" I asked, looking up, smiling despite the curiosity I felt when I found his gaze easily. He said he didn't try as hard to block me anymore but I still found him difficult to read most of the time.

"I mean every single one of us could see that you liked each other but were doing nothing about it. It was almost maddening." He answered, challenging me to contradict him.

I opened my mouth to do just that but was cut off as Hobi tossed his arm over my shoulder and pulled me against his side. "I knew she liked me," He said with confidence, making my mouth fall open even further as I turned my attention to him. "I was just waiting until she was ready to believe that I liked her as well. It's a delicate matter, Namjoon, one I am sure you know well."

I closed my mouth only for it to fall open again and I found that I quite lost my words. I blushed and looked down, trying to think of something else to change the subject of the conversation. "I've often wondered," I said, truly curious about the answer as I turned my attention to Namjoon. "Why doesn't Rose hangout with the rest of your friends?"

Namjoon looked at me briefly, his eyes growing bigger before he dropped his gaze, kicking his toe into the floor. "It's complicated."

"You're insecure." I stated, feeling sorry for him. "Shit," I muttered a moment later as I felt a wave of embarrassment and frustration with myself for losing my concentration a little and breaking my own rule.

Namjoon chuckled and nodded his head, his smile both guarded and beautiful as he looked at me again. "I am, but I am also a proud teacher right now."

"Huh?" I asked, bewildered.

"Well," He shrugged and I could sense that he was trying very hard to bury his insecurity again. "My control slipped for the first time when you asked and the only thing you managed to read from me was that I am insecure about something. You didn't dig through my mind to find the memory or bring me back to it. You've come a long way in such a short time and I am proud." He finished his strange little speech with a happy lift of his hands as his smile only grew.