Read my heart, not my mind

27. Control Your Fear

"There's no reason to be embarrassed," Namjoon said in a quiet, knowing way. "First of all, I've been unpleasantly all over his brain for the last month and half so I am not in the least bit surprised he confessed to you." He cleared his throat as if he hadn't meant to say exactly that when he found us kissing in the clubroom later that day.

I still blushed hard enough to rival the sun as he walked further into the room, periodically clearing his throat. I watched him from the corner of my eye, trying to think of anything to say and just as I opened my mouth, he dropped his wand. The dropping was a regular occurrence, but the shooting of red sparks from the end wasn't as Namjoon fumbled in a panicked, frantic way to snatch the oddly bouncing instrument from the ground.

He was as red as a cherry tomato by the time he snatched his wand up and finally sat down. "Have you, ahem, talked to her about it yet?" He wanted to know, looking directly at Hobi.

"I wasn't sure what to say." Hobi answered, shrugging nonchalantly as he pulled me back into him so I was resting on his chest. I glanced nervously at Namjoon to see if I could find any visible reaction that meant we should stop. I was a little shocked when Namjoon pretended as if this was all normal.

"Talk to me about what?" I asked when both of them continued to stare at one another, fighting a silent battle of wills.

"She's your girlfriend." Namjoon said, sitting back and twisting his wand in his hand as he kept his gaze down.

I blushed at the use of the word, technically speaking we hadn't actually discussed any of that. Our first kiss led to cuddling on the couch in Hoseok's little workshop as we just talked. Then I woke up with him holding me in his arms, softly running his fingers through my hair. We ate silently in the Great Hall and then he suggested we come up to the clubroom because that's where Namjoon would find us. Which he did, nearly an hour later... making out.

"It was your idea." Hoseok countered, sounding petulant.

"I may start to take offense if one of you doesn't at least tell me what you are talking about." I said, feeling irritated that they continued to talk and behave as if I wasn't in the room. Or at least if I was, that I was a painting or a barrel of apples neither wanted.

Hoseok sighed and I could feel as he nodded his head. "Namjoon and I have been practically occlumency for a while." He paused again, making me turn around on the chair we shared so I could look at his face. I still couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye, that was a hard habit to break, but I was trying. "Namjoon thinks we can teach you to not go so deep when you look at someone."

"What does that mean?" I asked, confused. I turned toward Namjoon as he cleared his throat and sat up.

"It's a theory really, since neither of us were born with the skill. But if a practicing Occlumens can shield or direct the thoughts of the person invading their mind, why can't a Legilimens train their gift to... Well, this theory sounded way better in my head." He breathed out in a puffy kind of sigh.

"Sounded way better when you told it to me, too." Hobi offered unhelpfully.

I giggled, somehow not nearly as scared by what Namjoon was suggesting as I was by the prospect just hours before. "Like train my brain to only feel or see surface things? How would that even work?"

"Like I said, this is only a theory, we'll have to tweak and deal with hurdles as they come up but with practice-" Namjoon said, his words and intentions both complicated and simple. "You haven't had much practice just looking at people, meaning that it might be your instinct to reach for the deepest or most hurtful memory. It could even be the part of your mind that developed the gifts defense instinct. Since there isn't a great deal known about natural Legilimens, this is all conjecture."