A misclick

My fault. My fault.

//Hello besties. It's 2 am and I decided to finish this chapter before getting back to doing homework.This one's about 1600 words long, and i gotta put a cw for angst, panic attacks, and depressing thoughts, and also mature language. Again, thanks for being here, I love you. Mwah.//

We're done with the breakfast. Me, Quackity, Sapnap and Dream go upstairs, to play Jackbox. When we reach the top of the stairs, Clay says: 'Uh...okay. So me and Y/n are going into my room, sharing my pc, and you two go in the other PC room, is that okay?' My heart starts racing, as I notice how bad he wants to spend the stream with me. Alex shares no emotion, just nods his head, and follows Nick in the room opposite to Dream's.

I follow him into his dorm, looking at the desk. 'Oops...I have no chair. Lemme go grab one, and I'll be right back.' He grabs me by the wrist and pulls me next to his chest, into a pirouette. 'Oh no, Y/n. You already have a seat, right here.' I look confused around, spotting no chair at all. I look at him, as he smirks at my pure confusion. He lets go of my hand and sits down in his white leathered chair, patting his lap.

I roll my eyes. 'You thirsty little simp. You've been planning this ever since you suggested playing Jackbox, didn't you?' He smirks once again. 'Maybe.' 'Won't the chat notice that we're in the same room?' 'Don't worry.' I sigh, as I take my place in his lap. He puts an arm around my neck, as he grabs his headset from the little stand it was placed on, and puts it on my head, arranging my hair around it carefully. He then opens his desk's drawer, and pulls another headset and plugs it in the PC as well, using that one for himself. I realize he gave me the better one, and my ice cold anti-simp heart warms a little. Just a little.

He opens Discord, and sees that Sapnap has logged in from his other PC. He calls us, and before answering, he looks at me. 'You ready?' I smile at him. I kinda like how he makes sure I'm okay with everything. Almost everything. 'Mhm. Let's do this.' He squeezes the arm wrapped around my neck, not hard enough to make me uncomfortable. He then makes himself comfortable, laying back in the chair in his specific way.

He starts my stream, as he says he'll just be a guest on mine, Sap's and Alex's. My chat goes insane for a moment, confused by the lack of the classic 'eggcam' window where they could see me, but still filled with the classic messages...

SIMP

A NEW COLLAB A NEW FANFIC APPEARS

PLATONICNOTFOUND

...and the list goes on. We just ignore that, as we start playing. Everything goes just fine, the chat not even talking about how me and Clay might be in the same room...me sitting in his lap. It just goes well.

But.

Sapnap gets the task to draw Dream's tiddies, as he pulls out a drawing of a man with spiral tits, and a smile replacing his bellybutton. Basically the embodiment of his minecraft skin. We both start wheezing, but Clay's laugh gets so violent that he yanks his back against the headrest of the chair. For a moment everything goes in slow-motion. His movement was so strong, that it made the chair swing back, with us on it. We lose balance, and the chair slowly starts falling. Our headsets rip off, as Dream screams 'OH SHIT'. He quickly pulls me into a very tight hug, to protect me from getting hurt. 

As the events get into their normal speed, we both start laughing our asses off, at the way we just fell off the chair. We basically forget about the stream, completely. He looks at me, still having me in the tight hug. 'You okay, shawty?' 'Yup.' We both stand up, he picks up the chair, and then we take our seats back. We put the headsets back on, as we both notice that the call is weirdly silent. Sapnap clears his throat.

'What happened?' Clay giggles, looking at me. 'We kinda fell off my chair.' Silence again. 'You two fell off your chair?' 'Yeah dude she was sitting in my-' But he doesn't finish the sentence. He looks at the chat, and realizes we are still on stream. And we've been for all this time. When we fell, even when he called me midget. And I know that from reading the chat, going by at an hallucinating pace. I'm stuck. We're screwed. Clay stands still, trying to realize what just happened. They know. There's no actual way we can fool them this time. 

I feel my heart starting to race, as my legs start shaking. My mind stops processing the environment, as I'm stuck in the wrenching claws of my judgmental thoughts towards myself. I can't hear anything anymore. My breath cuts off, and I become hyper-aware. I feel the 70K people who were watching the stream judging me, I feel Clay's heart beating, because of fear. It's my fault. Of course it's my fault. I'm a pain in the ass for everybody. It's my fault. My fault. My fault. My fault.My fault. My fault. My fault. My fault. My fault. 

I don't realize when I start saying that aloud. I wake up to reality, escaping my own thoughts' prison, because of Dream shaking my shoulders.

'Y/N SAY SOMETHING.' I flinch, looking at him, tears streaming down my face, in fear. I can't breathe. I gasp for air, but I can't. My eyes glide towards the monitors, but I see no stream going on, as well as no Discord call. My entire body is shaking violently, as I'm shifting between my own mind's reality and the real life, where Clay tries to get me to respond. Finally, I look at him with a whine. He hugs me tight, turning my face towards him. 

'It's okay. Please breathe. I'm here. Nothing can hurt you as long as I'm here, okay? Please breathe, little kitty.' I feel more comforted by his words, as I try to take in a deep breath, but I choke on air mid-way. I gasp desperately for another try. He rubs my back slowly, squeezing me into the hug. 

'Shhhhh...it's okay, y/n. Let's try together.' He breathes in, and I copy him. He squeezes my hand. He holds the air inside him for a second, then exhales, and so do I. He does that a couple more times, until he feels my legs stop shaking.

'Good job, Y/n. Are you any better now?' I nod. He sighs, and rests his head on my shoulder. 'You scared me. When I saw you shaking like that, saying "it's my fault, it's my fault"...I was basically terrified. It's not your fault Y/n. It's not anybody's fault that it happened. Screw what chat said. I'll take care of everything, so that nothing reaches you. I'm here for you, and you only.' I blush, and he notices that. 

We stay like that for a while. Him humming soft songs to me, while I was listening to his heartbeat. I was so thankful for him. He may be a simp, but I kew he cared for me a whole lot. Suddenly, he pulls away just a little, so he can look me in the eyes. 'Y/n, I promised you that I have something nice to show.'

 'Yup. I remember that.' 'I'll drive you to a cute little place, and that's where you'll she the thing.' I cringe at how wrong this can be interpreted, but roll with it. 'Wait up here. I'll be back in ten.' 

I'm alone in his room once again, laying in his gaming chair. The troubled chair. I put my legs on his desk, waiting for him to come back. I hear a knock in the door. I turn around ti see who it is, expecting Clay to be in the doorframe, but it's not. I see Alex sitting there, with a deep expression on his face. 

'Y/n.' 

'Hi, Quack. Come in.' He does so. He sits on Dream's bed, while looking at me with a very weird stare. 'Man, are you ok?' He shakes his head and stands up. 'No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.' I stand up, facing him. 'What the fuck is going on, Alex?'

He lifts his head. 'What's wrong? This is wrong' he says, motioning towards the room around us. 'You're in the wrong guy's bedroom, Y/n. You were sitting in the wrong guy's lap. You have fallen for the wrong fucking guy.' 

My heart starts racing, as he gets angrier. 'It's always the good girls who fall for fucking assholes. You've been on my mind all the time. I can't think about a thing that's not related to you, Y/n. And you still thought that I was just your bestie. Your little mate. No, y/n. Fuck no. I'm in love with you. Extremely hard. Please give me a chance. Please let me show you that I'm better than him. I can treat you so much better. Actually, screw it. I'm done of begging.' 

With no warning, he grabs my jaw and kisses me. He's holding me so tightly I'm not able to pull away.

'What the fuck?'

I hear another voice. A voice that I know very well. A voice that rips my heart apart, anytime I hear it. A voice I've heard whispering into my ears, before falling asleep, singing to me, calling me a little kitty. The voice I've fallen for.

I finally pull away hard enough, as I look towards the door, to see Clay looking at us with a perplexed stare.