Numb

The epiphany

Declan's POV

After pulling on a light light light blue teeshirt and washed out blue baggie jeans and white and blue nikes I left the house and jumped into my car.

To tell the truth, I wasn't looking forward to this party cos girls are gonna be throwing themselves at me and to tell the truth i am quite bored of it. I mean its the same type of girl just looking for a f*ck and im tired of it. I want a girl who can tease me not offer it on a plate without even dressing it up.I want to be able to get a thrill when I talk to her or kiss her. I want to be the only guy she see's when I walk into a room. I want her to hint at what she has and leave me with things to imagine unlike the girls here. I want to feel like the only guy in the world when I am with her. I want to love her like no other and for her to love me with the same intensity.But you dont get that here. Here you get slutty whores who throw themselves at you and then throw themselves at another guy as soon as you have blinked.

I am tired of being used, of lying, of one night stands ,of everything. I am used for sex by these whores. I am used for money by my mom cos she uses the child support my dad pays to entertain her boytoys. I am used by my dad to bring hot unattached mothers with me on dates with their daughters. I have to lie about what I think and feel to fulfil this image every Johnston before me has painted. I lie to girls to get in their pants and afterwards aswell. I lie to myself about what I want in life. I feel numb and i am sick an tired of it. I wanna feel loved not lusted after. I wanna feel important in someone elses life. I wanna be able to give myself to some one without getting scared their gonna hurt me. Just like clara did.

I suddenly snapped back into reality by knockin on my car window.

wow I am already at Jakes. Wow i didnt even notice. I glared at the person who was hurting Louise (the car) and saw Jack one of my other friends. He just laughed like the prick he is, i got out the car.

"if you ever touch my car without my permission I'm gonna chop off your balls and hang them next to my furry dice" i told him warningly. I think that sobered him up because his eyes widened and then he went inside. I followed after putting my game face on. I didn't want anyone to know any thing was up. Walking into the part, I just felt bored, everything was the same!!! I need change.