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chapter 11

declans POV

i dont know what it was that made me trust her enough to tell her my life story but it was like a volcano.i had been rumbling for a while now and i just erupted when she showed genuine concern and curiosity in my life.

i felt safe for the first time in ever. with her arms around me and her smell surrounding me. i dunno... it was just welcoming i guess.

" rayne is...was...is my sister but she is not here anymore.when she was 17,i was about 15, she went out to meet her friends for a birthday lunch,well that lunch turned to dinner and then they went to watch a movie. She was meant to be home at 3(pm) but just to spite my parents she stayed with them to watch.she called me to tell me she would be home late and to save her a piece of cake. well a couple of hours later on her way home she was followed... she tried to run but another 3 guys stopped her they surrounded her and.. and..and.." alexa was rubbing soothing circles on my back.

"its ok , everything will be fine. you dont have to finish if you cant  ."

"no i have to"i tried to swallow the lump in my throat,and fix myself but i was drained. void from all emotion.

"she was....rap...vio..." i couldnt get the words out. i couldnt speak those words cos that would mean i accept what happened to her and i dont. there was something else keeping me from saying those words but i didnt want to look into that now. alexa looked at me. concern, confusion and the understanding flashed in her eyes." its not your fault." she whispered.

suddenly i was angry. i was livid! furious! who was she to say that to me. i'm her brother i should have protected her. i should have told her to come home or met her there. i should have... i should have done something!

"well whose fault is it, if not mine??!! who should have stopped her from staying out late?!?!? i should have been her voice of reason! instead i was just a stupid little boy! wrapped up in a world of my own while my sisters was slowly crumbling!!!! i mean i should have known after that night she was... different . she stopped going out and locked herself in her room. my parents didnt care, they thought she was settling down from her 'wild stage'.her clothes changed and so did her personality. no one... i never even spoke to her after that for about three months. me! her brother! i should have atleast asked her if something was wrong! she started to have huge arguments with both my parents. before it was just my dad but then it was both of them. they were loud and and and i just wanted them to stop.... then they did.the last time they did my dad stormed out of the house saying he could no longer be around a whore, i was so confused. for about a week there was nothing to be heard in the house at night, when the arguements happened, there was no school so i just stayed in my room for the week holiday until the last day, my fridge was empty. so i went to see if rayne had anything good in her fridge. i snuck into her room with my eyes on her fridge. i opened it and there was only healthy stuff but i was hungry so i didnt care. after i had eaten i closed the fridge and turned around and and (hiccup) and there she was..."

i could see it like it was happening right in front of me and like before i couldnt do any thing about it. half way through my rant, tears were falling. it had been so long since i cried and even though it was weak and unmanly, i wished i'd done it sooner. i felt relief i hadnt felt in a long time like this huge weight had  gone and i didnt feel so angry anymore.alexa was just about to speak. but i cut her off.

"she had hung herself."