Dying to live

One step at a time

My morning at work is very eventful. It starts off with a long meeting thirty minutes after I arrive at the office then I have very important interview that I need for an article that I'm working on. After that I have been given a large stack of articles to edit but luckily I have time to finish them.

When I first arrived at this media house I was already applying for the top positions. I was of course interviewed to see if i could have the job. They almost didn't accept me but I handed in a really good article that they couldn't resist me and so all the questions about my age and qualifications were pushed aside. However the rest of the people working here weren't very welcoming so I always feel the need to perform well.

I was so engrossed in an article that I didn't notice Melissa enter my office. She is the only friend that I actually have. When I arrived here I drifted from person to person trying to find who I could acquaint myself to but it was very hard to do so due to many shallow conversations I walked in on.

Mellisa and I were working on an article together and during this time she seemed to be a decent person so I started to join her during lunch breaks. I find her company very enjoyable as she is not like the snobs that work here.

"Time for a lunch break," mellisa announces cheerfully standing by my desk.

"Sorry, I didn't notice the time," I apologize and close my laptop and grab my bag to go.

"So everyone has decided to eat in the lunch room today so I was thinking maybe we could go out for lunch," she suggests and I agree. We walk out of the building and walk a few blocks to a Greek restaurant.

Once we arrive the waiter guides us to a table and we order our food immediately. Once the waiter is gone we start to catch up since we haven't had lunch together in a week.

"Remember that guy I told you about," Melissa says after the waiter gives us our food. We organize our food and then she picks a fry to eat.

"The one at your apartment building?" I ask to clarify.

"Yes that one. Well we spoke after I told you and we hit it off so now he has asked me out on a date this weekend." She say excitedly and I chuckle at her excitement.

"That's good."

"So what about you?" she asks, "any plans for your weekend. Club or date or anything really." She continues. I went to a club by myself this weekend. I normally just go to observe people but sometimes I'll go dance and meet people. I never really entertain men that approach me or girls that want to meet up again. The less people I know the easier it is to not get noticed.

"I don't know. Maybe I'll go to a spa or something." I reply.

"What's not what I meant. Are you going to go out with people?"

"Why are you asking?"

"Because," she pauses. "I worry. You never seem to be going out with people no that's not healthy. What person in their twenties doesn't like to go out. I can't be you only friend."

"You don't have to be my friend." I say defensively a little hurt as I assume she liked me.

"Don't do that. I don't mean I don't want to be your friend but I don't know how to explain. How about a date. I'm positive that there are many guys who want you." She isn't wrong there.

"None of them interest me. I think it's easier to surround myself with less people " I say and she looks defeated. I change the subject and we talk about work while we finish our food. The conversation drifts back going out and partying but this time she leads the conversation. She tells me that back in college that she was a party animal who would have one night stands. One time she hooked up with three different guys all in the same day. I was very shocked to hear this because Melissa looks like a nerd.

When the waiter returns to give us the check I take out my wallet and along with it a few papers fall out. Melissa helps me gather some of the papers but then stops at one.

"Who is Tomas?" She asks as she gives me the paper back.

"Oh, I met him by a bus stop today. He seemed to be nice I guess." I reply for her. I haven't given him much thought.

"Really now," she comments with a grin resembling the chasneer cat. "If he seemed nice...you should call him." She suggests.

"I don't think so. I said he seemed nice but he could be serial killer for all I know." I tell her but I honestly don't know what I think about him.

"Do you honestly think that."

"I don't know. I don't know him."

"So don't judge him. Just talk to him not everyone is bad." I don't respond to that instead I pick up my things to go.

"Lets go," I say as we walk out of the restaurant and back to the office.

~~~~~~

I realized I was different when my friends were all getting grey hairs and they were getting wrinkles. I had a friend who was a doctor at the time who realized this too and she asked if she could check if I was alright. I also began to research myself while she was observing me. One day I heard her talk about wanting to do an extensive experimentation on me. It began with her genuinely wanting to help but she may have gotten carried away and that was went i disappeared from their lives.

I have done and extensive amount research about what is happening with me but I haven't come to a clear reason. All I know is that at some point during the night my body shuts down and i pass out and then I wake up early the next day. I also noticed that my body is colder than it is supposed to. I don't feel cold but I am.

After my betray from my first love and my best friend. I was determined to find someone else to replace them to make me feel better. I went under many men trying to fill the void and surrounded myself with anyone who gave me attention; good or bad.

It went on for a long while then I met a man after 50 years of learning I was supposedly immortal. He was the fist man that I actually felt like I was in a relationship with and it was great. We took things slow and after five years of dating I fell pregnant. We were so overjoyed and he sealed the moment with a proposal. I obviously said yes.

However, a few weeks later I had a miscarriage and after that I had an epiphany. I realized that eventually he was going to realize that I was not aging and never will. I couldn't let myself get attached...to anyone.

I broke off the engagement and left him. We had been arguing for a while before; he wanted to try for another baby and I did not. He was distraught but I assured him it had nothing to do with him.

I was depressed for a long time struggle with the idea of being alone for so long. I couldn't depend on anyone to hold me secret. I couldn't be with anyone and watch them grow old without me. I realized I could never really have anyone and that I never really had anyone in the first place.

I stumbled on a farm where I met and old lady. She lived alone and ran the farm. She had been a widow for nearly a decade. She thought me a lot like that even though she she missed her husband she would be okay by herself. She died a few months later and I inherited the land.

I kept it running while hiding my face from the employees but they didn't seem to mind at all. I also had a lot of time to absorb what she said about being by yourself. I had a lot of time for self love and to learn many new types of work which is why I can be qualified for almost anything now.

After thirty years I left the farm to the co owner but I still own the land. I needed a change in environment.

I moved to a lot of places; from city to small towns all over the world and I don't know which is best. In a small town everyone knows you but no one knows the place. In a city no one really knows you but everyone knows the place. I found to enjoy the best of both.

I return to my empty place after a long day at work and I am still exhausted. I have really been thinking about what Mel said. Maybe I should just talk to Tomas because I do need a change in routine.

I take out the paper from my bag and then type his number in my phone. While doing this I remind myself that I will just talk to him and have no intention of getting attached.