Dying to live

Ruin

Note:Song for this chapter is say by Ruel and ruin by Shawn mendes.

I wake up early on a Sunday morning but I force myself back to sleep. I then wake up a few hours later only to see it's only ten a.m. Even though I am fully awake I have no intention of leaving this bed anytime soon.

My cellphone is full of notifications to show that I have been contacted during my sleep but I decide to not check them quite yet.

I leave my bed to grab a yogurt and finish it immediately. Then I go back to my room and change into a pair of leggings and a hoodie before returning to my bed. My phone buzzes so I check it again.

I have received a message from Mel just to check up on me then I see five missed calls from Tom. I also see that he has left me many voicemails, and text messages.

Tom:
Today was great, wish you could have stayed.23:30

Hey:) 09:28

Are you okay? 10:05

I then proceeded to check the voicemail.

Tom: "I don't understand what you mean by 'I can't do this' what do you mean? Is this some role swap. Normally in movies the guy doesn't want anything to do with the girl after they sleep together. That's not me so is that you? This is weird. Please just answer me, what's going on?" 11:10

"Hey I would like to see you again maybe we can meet for coffee this week. If you can get back to me that would be great."

I don't reply to any of his messages even though I have read all of them. I want to reply and maybe give him a nice goodbye but I can't. How would I even start to explain why this is happening.

I should not have seen him again because now it is completely complicated.

So I decide for the rest of the Sunday, with my phone shut off in my drawer, I will lounge around in my house. Eventually the silence is too much and I turn on a radio and turn the volume up high.

I organize my fridge and move some furniture. I clean the the entire place from top to bottom taking my time not to rush because then I would have to think and I can't do this right now.

~~~~

Getting ready on the Monday was one of the most difficult tasks I had in a while. This time the morning was me reminding myself that I could not, by any means, entertain the friendship I had formed with Mel.

I was chasing a story for an article that morning so my arrival at the office was luckily delayed. However, I still had to go to the office. When I parked my car and entertained the building I made a beeline for my office. Mel came to my office to fetch me for lunch but I declined with the excuse of work.

And for the rest of the week I kept the conversation with Mel very short and gave her multiple excuses but I knew she realized what I was doing and became annoyed. Not talking to me was not a train smash for her as she has other friends and made another acquaintance at work.

I was not as bad as I though I was. I had kept myself busy with a story and was out and about interviewing people. Then the week ended and the story ended with it.

During the week Tom tried once more to make contact but I ignored it. On the weekend it was Mel's turn to try get some answers-answers I could not actually give a reason that made sense to her- but she did not get anything from me.

The next Monday I avoided her completely and then she went to lunch with another college.  When we passed each other she through me an annoyed glance and I pretended I didn't notice it.