Dying to live

Angel eyes

Blue Eyes. The ones that I can look at forever and imagine a paradise to live in.
His voice. My favorite singer will be second when I comes to what I want to listen to.
His lips. They form the cutes smile, say the weirdest ideas, and can kiss me back to life.

This is bad.

I can't stop thinking about him. He's always on my mind... and I don't hate it. I'm can't keep doing this but I don't know how to stop because as soon as I knock some sense back into my brain he calls. I know every time I see him the more attached I will be.

This is terrible.

There is also Mel. She is the best friend I never had and I honestly thought that all girls are out to sabotage each other. After the long weekend we went out together more and its honest so great to have someone look out for you like she does for me.

This needs to stop.

I can't keep living this life like everything is completely normal. I'm not normal. I could tell them and they may keep the secret but can I watch the people I've grown to care about die. I could live this fantasy life for another few years and just tell them I have had Botox to keep me looking young.

I've done the one thing that I've told myself not to do. I honestly don't know how this happened. Well I do, no one has every shown me the kindness that I have seen in the last few months. So of course I want to see this through because this may never happen again.

I need to stop this one and for all and I think I have an idea on how to fix this. I obviously I need to end all this new formed relationships but selfishly I one to enjoy them for one last time.

Ending this with Tom will be difficult but I won't have to see him everyday unlike how I will still see Mel five times a week after I end this. I will probably have to find a way to end it without creating tension in the office.

So on the last day as best friends with Mel we went out for lunch on a Friday. We ate gourmet burgers and fries at our favorite grill restaurant. We laugh as we talk about how the models we work with would be so disappointed in us for consuming so many calories. We are also thankful that we still have fast metabolisms that allow us to pig out without immediately gaining weight.

I tried to give her hints that we may not be spending much time together anymore. I gave the excuse that we weren't focusing on work but she just said that we'll have to meet up more outside of work.

After work we head to her apartment and watch a marathon of cheesy romantic comedy movies. We laugh and cry to every one of the films. She tells me about how things are going really good with her boyfriend and it makes me ecstatic to hear this.

And the end of this day I give her the longest hug but she doesn't complain and allows me to. Throughout the afternoon I tried really enjoy these last moments. I don't think I'll ever have a friend like Mel ever again. I remind myself this is what needs to happen.

~~~

Thomas forgot to mention that his grandparents were amazing and that they left their house for him to live in. Even though Thomas isn't from South Africa his grandfather was and he and his wife moved her from the last place they stayed to retire.

It is almost fully dark and I step up to the door to knock and shortly after Tom opens the door, "Wow," he says so soft that I almost miss it.

I smile up at him,"Hey." Today I worn a Safire blue satin mini dress. It has spaghetti straps and stops mid thigh. I have finished it off with black heels and a little bit of makeup. I have brought a jacket in case it gets cold but I don't think I'll need it.