Loving hurts (Discontinued)

Chapter 9

Harry's POV

What just happened? It was a small practical joke to make us all laugh but what just happened. Louis always laughs no matter what. He's the funny one. This is all my fault, maybe I should've just stayed away. It would've been better for everyone. Louis wouldn't be upset and storm off. This is all my fault. "I'm going to bed" I say without discussion even though I know I won't be sleeping for a while.

I head to my bedroom and hear quiet crying like someone trying to be silent but is failing. I open my door and walk into my bedroom closing it behind me. I start to run the shower and reach under the cupboard. Pulling out the blade and putting it on the bench. I get undressed and start pinching at my body in the mirror.

 Fat fat fat is all I see as I pull at my skin. You could count my ribs if you wanted but I don't see that all I see is fat. I grab the blade and bring it to my hip. I need to stop on my arms as summer is coming so i will need to wear stupid t-shirts. 

I wince as the blade gets dragged across my skin. I'm fat and ugly i deserve this. I pull the blade across a couple more times before looking down. The blood is now running down my thigh. I start to smile. I deserve it. I need to do this otherwise I would die.

I step into the shower almost screaming as the hot water hits my open cuts. I deserve this. I made Louis cry. I shouldn't make him cry. He doesn't deserve it. I makes everyone cry. I deserve it not them. I should've said something before about the fluff in his hair. What is wrong with me? I can't do anything right. 

I slowly start to wash my hip. Blood rinsing out with my hands.

I get out of the shower five minutes later. Wrapping my towel around myself I walk into my bedroom again. I'm about to sit on my bed when I hear a voice. "Hey are you okay?"

"Yeah. Wait, how are you in my room, I locked my door? Niall," I say, pouting at the end "you know you aren't allowed to pick the lock to the bedrooms." I say trying to have some authority to tell him off. "I know but you weren't singing in the shower so i thought something was wrong so I came in. I asked Liam first." he says putting his hands up.

"Niall, while I appreciate the thought. Do Not Pick The Lock To My Room."

"Why what's the worse thing I can see? You being naked. Wouldn't be the first time. You used to walk around the house naked all the time." he says, making a point. "I don't care no matter what you don't pick the lock into my bedroom unless you have knocked for at least 5 minutes and can't hear the shower running. Okay, you know the rules." I say as my voice starts to raise, I take a breath and calm my voice down so I don't bother anyone else. 

" Can you please leave so that I can sleep and we can talk about whatever you want to talk about in the morning, Ok?" I say sighing in defeat. "Don't worry, this will be fine in the morning. I won't bother you. I only came in to check on you, see you tomorrow." Niall says walking out sounding offended. I can finally get some rest.

I go up to the door to see if anyone is out there, then I close and lock the door, turn off the light. I always push others away, don't I. I rub my hands over my face and crawl into my pajamas. I go to look for my phone to only see that I have left my phone in the living room.

 Of course I can't do a single thing right can I. I walk out and grab my phone and hear Niall and Liam talking in hushed tones from the kitchen. I hear my voice and immediately know that even though I shouldn't, I need to eavesdrop.

"I just feel so bad I mean he doesnt deserve this."

"I know I know Niall but we can't let it get to us we have to be strong for Harry."

"But I don't know how much longer I can keep it in me. Why didn't he tell us. We are his best friends. I don't know what to do." Niall whisper shouts at Liam with his voice cracking at the end.

"I know I love you so much but we have to be strong and you are doing so well and handling it so well babe but we have to be strong for a little while longer. I love you so much" i have heard to much. I shouldn't of done that. I need to forget what I just heard. I'm an idiot.i make everyone fucking cry. I walk back into my room as silently as I can and plug in my phone. I open up twitter and check the feed.

"Petition to get @harrystyles removed from one direction. No one needs a terrible singer. Not to mention he's really ugly."

"harrystyles is one ugly motherfucking troll"

 "harrystyles we all hate u sooo much one direction will be million times better without uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu 

"Harry looks like something a cat coughed up.. FURBALL!"

"Only Zayn, Louis, Niall and Liam should have won that award! Not that troll harry!"

"Zayn and Louis are good looking. Niall is kinda cute, and Liam is nice. But Harry.. His an ugly troll! I hate him!"

"Remember when harry was good looking? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA me either. His always been ugly."

"Lol directioners are as pointless as that harry styles fuck."

I turn my phone off and drop it to the ground until it lights up and I go to see why. "@lottietommo unfollowed you". Of course even lottie can't stand me what is wrong with me why am i so insufferable. 

I should just leave and that would just solve everything. I stare at the ceiling and think. Without realising it i feel a tear fall onto the pillow next to me. 

I ignore it.

Hours later the sun starts filling my room with light. I must've laid there for a while because i went to my room at 8 pm. I grab my phone and check what we have today. 

Oh for goodness sake we have an interview and a performance. Have people ever hear of a day off.