Loving hurts (Discontinued)

Chapter 12

Harry's POV
My eyes open slowly and the first thing I see is that my sleeves have rolled up a bit. I quickly pull them down over my hands and turn to face whoever woke me up. Louis. I look at him. Those beautiful blue eyes look like they have never-ending stories to tell. They probably do to be honest knowing him. "Thanks." I whisper, my voice hoarse from sleep. He climbs out of the car and starts to walk inside. I go to follow him when Paul makes some snide remark into his phone. "The bitch can't even stay awake for 40 minutes what an idiot." I just feel like this day will get worse. I climb out of the car and walk into the building seeing louis chatting with the other lads.

I walk over and the conversation stops immediately. "Hey, what are you talking about?" I say trying to see if they will let me in. As Louis was about to say something Paul walks in and says "Lets go people!" We all rush along to the dressing rooms and grab the clothes. I quickly turn to Lou after she called my name. "Harry can you actually wear that? It would go along with the boys a lot more than
the one we picked out for you."

My shoulders sigh in relief of not having to get changed. "Yeah sure lou." I say with a fake smile spreading across my face. I walk out and into the makeup room sit on the chair that says Harry on it. I wait for lou to come over and start to do my makeup. I see lux playing in the corner and decide to go over to her. "Hey hawwy. Do you want to play with me? "Sure." I say sitting down next to her. About 5 minutes later, I see Lou come out with the other boys, all laughing and smiling. They completely ignore me and go to sit down on their chairs. I walk in front of Paul as he ushers me in and next to the others. The person behind the camera says "Five, four, three, two and action." in a whisper. We all say hello and smile at the
camera as we each introduce ourselves.

•••••••••••••••••••time skip••••••••••••••••••

After the interview we all head out, but I'm the last to leave helping to pack up like always. We head to the BBC building where we are doing another interview. As we pull up to the building, the masses of screaming fans reach our ears as they try to get close to us, snagging our clothes and snapping pictures. We run into the building saying hi to the few fans that are polite to us. I get inside the building first as I was sitting at the window in the van. I heard someone loudly exclaim. "NOW THAT THAT FAT FAG IS OUT OF SHOT WE CAN GET SOME GOOD PHOTOS OF THE BOYS." I just breathe and keep walking inside further into
the maze that other people call halls.
I manage to find the bathroom and quickly check the stalls for other people. With no one else there, I stood inside the stall bending over the bowl of the toilet. Shoving two fingers down my throat, feeling my gag reflexes come into play. Ignoring it, I push my fingers further down. Even without eating properly in a couple days,  I still manage to throw up. Again and again I do this until I hear voices heading down the corridor looking for me. Sitting up I quickly clean up myself and wait for the voices to dissipate. As they became quieter I leave the bathroom and head to the room for the interview.
As I walk in I head to the refreshments table trying to ignore the little comments management was saying about my weight. I grab a glass of water and go to sit down on the stage. As I am sitting down a guy from management i think his name was Ben came up to me and started talking. "Move to the back no one wants to see you.'' I go to move when a voice interrupts me. "Stay there, I'll sit in the back, don't worry harry." I look up and Zayn is moving behind me.
"There is still another seat where Harry will sit so move now." Ben says calmly stating the fact, not letting no come for an answer. Giving up, I give Zayn a look to say drop it. He just furrows his brows and grabs out his phone. I stand up and move to the back. Sitting next to Zayn I grab out my phone. I quickly post on twitter. Got an interview with the BBC can't wait.  I sit back and start to look at the comments. The first few were nice but then in came the hate. Before I could keep reading them the boys came in and started loudly laughing. I look up and put my phone away.
The person doing the interview says "Ok guys we start in 5, so get ready." The others sit down and don't even bother to look at me and to myself i think why would they. After a few minutes the interview starts and we are asked about any upcoming events like song releases and tours. I barely got a chance to speak until the end when I had to thank the fans.
After the interview I went to the bathroom before we went back to the can to go to the last thing we have which is a performance. Zayn runs up to me and tries to apologize about the seating thing earlier but I shrug him off and say "I'll meet you and the others in a moment but I have to go to the bathroom." He just nods like normal and walks away. I sigh in relief and open the door to the bathroom  and realize there is someone in there and as I am about to leave I hear swearing. I close the door and ask if anyone is in there and the swearing stops. "It's fine just cut myself on my screen protecter. It just broke." I walk into a cubical and the other person leaves his stall and I walk out to see that it was Louis.
We look at each other for a split second before he leaves walking down the hall to the others. I mean who would want to talk or even look at me. I head into the stall, my wrists itching for pain. I make sure I lock the stall and grab my blade out of my pocket. Looking at the blade I just think, passing the blade in between my fingers not fully focused on it.
I just make everyone upset. Why should I even be alive? I mean not even Louis wants to be around me. I'm a disappointment. I mean why else would my own mother disown me. Why did she edit me out of the photos then. Im a faggot and  disappointment.
I bring the blade to my wrist looking at the new cuts. Bringing the blade across my wrist I smile softly looking at the red blood starting to bubble up in the cut. As I add to my collection more blood piles up and spills down my wrist. Smiling, I unlock the stall door and check the bathroom. With no one around to question my weird behaviour. I rinse off my wrists and reapply the already bloody bandages.
I walk out of the bathroom and go back to the studio. I look around and I can only  see the crew. I go up to the person that looks like they're in charge and ask them where the boys were.
"Sorry i can't tell you unless you are with them or have permission that I can see." that man says. "I'm in the band."I say, sighing. I mean like it's not like he should know who I am. "Prove it." looking at him i go to raise an eyebrow but I know that I'd just be sent away. I grab my phone and show him a picture of me and the boys singing. "Fine," he says "they left to go do a signing, at the james corden thingy about 7 minutes ago."
I just shrug and leave the building. Calling a cab, I wait against the wall on the side of the building and pull up the steam on my phone for the singing thing and I see all the boys with James and see them about to sing and then it happened. They performed without me. I knew they didn't need me, I don't even know why Simon put me in the band in the first place.

The cab pulls up and I just ask the person to take me to a hotel for the break and I give them the directions and as I'm in the car I watch the rest of the performance and the interview. They didn't even mention my absence, they just pretended that I wasn't even in the band which I get. I mean who would want to see me or even hear me sing for that matter.

I get out of the cab and check in. Under a different name of course.  Time for my 'wonderful' holiday