upset | edward cullen

twenty-seven

Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again.

HOMER

I was running through the forest, the very same scenery as when Edward told me he was a vampire, except this time I was sprinting. I could feel the panic course through me as my bones screamed for release. I turned around to see Edward with blood on his face, coming for me, James followed closely behind him his face equally bloody. But there were others beside them, chasing me as well, figures in cloaks with bloodstained skin, why couldn't I recognize them?

My running wasn't fast enough as they all gained on me and I fell to the ground.

I gasped and shot upright, a dream. It felt so real, I was sweating from fear and Edward was by my side in an instant. "Bad dream?" I hummed as he rubbed soothing circles on my lower back. "I was running for my life." My voice was scratchy, it felt distant, like it wasn't mine.

"You're safe." I felt safe but deep down there was always fear. I couldn't be fearless like the rest of the Cullens, they weren't mortal like me.

The next morning we were heading back to campus, Edward drove. The rest of the siblings had ran all the way to campus just like they came over. I was holding him back again. It was becoming a tiring part of our relationship.

"Edward, what if I wanted to turn sooner than we agreed?" So far the plan was to turn by my next birthday, if I wanted to still that is.

"Why would you want that?"

"I'm holding everyone back, if I...turn then Carlisle can take my bone marrow like he needs for further tests." We had pushed my blood donations to the limits, all that was left was extracting my bone marrow so Carlisle could see just how much of me it would take to "cure" vampirism. He had been patient with me, they all have been, but I knew it was only matter of time for the Volturi to turn up in Forks and demand answers, or my head. They could only protect me so much as we had all seen a few days ago, had I been in private with James who knows what could've happened, my blood wouldn't protect me if he had decided to rip my heart out of my chest.

Edward knew this though, sometimes his feelings were almost written on his face. I knew him like my favorite book, whenever I was hurt or in danger I could almost hear the thoughts running through his head, it's my fault, or I should have been there. We had danced around the topic of the Volturi ever since they told me who they were that day at their house.

"I don't want to live in fear of them." He would know who I was talking about them.

"You wouldn't be living." His tone bitter, it always was when we talked about this topic.

"Living in fear for the rest of my life isn't living either." His jaw was clenched, his thoughts were likely running amuck.

EDWARD'S POV
I had failed to protect her of course she was afraid. I was a fool, an imbecile, incompetent idiot. Had I been faster or smarter I could have saved her from James and from the decision she had to make. I could tell it was and will likely forever weigh heavily on her conscious, I could have prevented that. I seemed to fail her in every capacity thus far. It was only logical for her to want to become an immortal powerful being to protect herself when I fell short, once again.

It was by luck and her own ability that she had survived thus far as a human, I had no hand in protecting her. Useless.

Then her hand on mine snapped me out of my rumination. Her soft warm hand clenched around my pale cold lifeless one, despite my incompetence she still loved me still wanted me for eternity. I was far too lucky, why had God been so kind to me? I did not deserve it.

AMELIA'S POV
His jaw unclenched as I squeezed his hand. Edward was hard on himself, I knew he felt guilty for what happened. We would have to have it out when we got home but at that moment I needed rest, so as I pulled his hand to me and tucked it under my neck to rest my head on, I dozed off.

Next thing I knew we were back on campus, parked in our usual spot and Edward was on the passenger side, ready to carry me to his apartment.

I had slept so much these past days, my body had never felt like this before. Nothing hurt any more, but I felt like I needed to sleep to recover.

I let Edward carry me, reveling in the feeling of his strong arms carrying me, he knew I was awake if the smirk on his face was any inclination not to mention he could hear my heartbeat and lastly see my eyes peering up at him. He was handsome, I couldn't help myself.

He gently put me down on his bed, pulling the covers away before of course, and tucking me in. He must have thought I wanted to sleep but I was now wide awake, so I tugged at his sleeve to stay. Edward's smirk turned to a smile and I peeked at him over the edge of the duvet. "You're awake?" He teased and I couldn't help but laugh. I tugged gently again and he leaned down, our lips meeting. His lips moved against mine like they were made for each other. He nipped at my lip, something he knew drove me crazy, and I gasped. Edward was getting far too good at driving me crazy. I pulled back for air and looked at him pointedly.

"You're driving me crazy." I managed to get out after a couple seconds of regaining my breath.

"Much harder for me." He was hovering on top of me now, I hadn't moved much from my position of lying down. I couldn't understand the amount of self-control Edward possessed because I struggled even seeing daily. When I turned how would I handle those extreme emotions? Did he care about me more than I cared for him? No there was no way, I couldn't even imagine loving him more than I did. Loving him. I did love him. Now was not the time to disclose that information however. I just swiped his lips clean of my lipstick and pressed one last kiss to his lips. With that Edward moved to lay beside me his arm going underneath my head and like clockwork I moved to the space beneath his neck and rested there. 

"Edward you know it's not your fault right?" My voice quiet I had moved away from his neck to say it clearly.

"I don't." Of course he didn't think like that, my Edward. It hurt me that he thought he was somehow responsible for this, last year when I was kidnapped he blamed himself too.

"Do you blame Alice or Jasper or Rose or Emmett?" They couldn't be blamed either because no one knew it would be coming, even Alice couldn't have seen it coming because I was involved.

"No."

"Then why blame yourself?" Edward was silent then, I hoped he stopped stewing in his self-criticism and let himself move on.

"It isn't that easy when I see how tormented you are." 

"It isn't for me either when I see how you blame yourself." He hummed at that, the noise sending vibrations through my entire body, a conclusion to our conversation and I let those feelings lull me to sleep once again.

Running through the forest again, my feet were bare they probably hurt beating against the hard earth and sticks of the forest ground. As I looked over my shoulder I was met with cloaked figures rounding on me. This time I was cornered against a large Cedar tree a hand outstretched from one of the cloaks and a sharp fingernail clawed down the length of my arm which was pulled forward, the nail drew blood along the vein, and then in a frenzy the cloaked figures pulled my arm towards them and bit down, however in seconds they were seizing and dropping dead like flies.

I was unfazed and that's when I woke up with my hands around Edward's neck in the middle of his kitchen, with my eyes already open.

a/n: IM SO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE

i keep messing up and missing my weekly upload :( i'll make it up by updating again this week i PROMISE

thank you for all the lovely comments and votes <3