All the things I never told you

my emotions consume me

Dear, Korra

I'm angry. Really, really angry. I don't have the slightest idea of why. I just am.

It's not something that happens often but when it does it consumes me. I don't feel like a person anymore, not like this. Just an empty vessel. I feel like a broken piece of the person I used to be

It's my birthday today. I'm twenty-two years old. Can you believe it?

The same age my dad was when he met my mother and started his company. But here I am, alone, just like him.

It feels like everyday I'm turning more into him. Like it was always inevitable. I lashed out at one of my employees today, the same way I used to watch my father scream and berate former assistants.

I felt so horrible I ended up giving her the week off. She was only trying to be friendly, asking if I had any plans for the night and she was met with my own insecurity filled outburst.

I really don't want to be him. I've tried to make more friends, really I have. I thought having others to talk to would take away from some of my stress but it's hard. I'm the CEO of a company which means I should be surrounded by people who want to be my friends right? Wrong.

Of course they want to be my friend, but I've  found out it's for all the wrong reasons. They just want fancy nights on the town and meet and greets with other celebrities. When it comes to me and my problems, my issues and struggles they're nowhere to be found.

What do I even do? Bide my time? Use them the way they're using me to make do until you come back? I don't seem to have a lot of answers for the problems in my life, but the hole in my heart is a problem only you can solve.

It's nights like this where I'm alone in my house where I can't help pondering on better, more innocent times. I helped my dad in the workshop, played Pai-Sho with my mom, taught you how to drive, among many other memories I hold close.

When did things get this bad?

When did you decide you weren't going to write me?

No, that's not fair. I'm sorry- it's not your problem. I'm not you're problem.

You haven't written anyone what am I even trying to say? I'm not special, not to you. You're struggling and you shouldn't feel obligated to write to me simply because I can't move on.

That's no way to live. Not for you. You'll write to me when you feel ready and I am so sorry I'm not patient enough. I promise I'm not angry, just coping.

Trying to cope in the limited ways I know how.

I miss you so much.

Please take care of yourself. Please come back to Republic City soon. Back to me, I need you.

Love, Asami.