All the things I never told you

ramble

Dear Korra,

Did you ever get that feeling in your stomach? Some call it butterflies, others call it falling in love. I say it's a pain in the ass. I was looking through a photo album last night, full of photos of our little gang. My favorite one has taken a place on my nightstand.

It's that one of us in the Misty Palms Oasis, laughing and drinking cold drinks without a care in the world. I was so nervous, because you were so close, I had never been that close to you before. Your warmth was practically radiating off of me and when you set your hand on top of mine I never wanted you to let it go.

I don't even remember what we talked about. I just remember the laughter, the simpleness before the storm. When we could just talk for hours unafraid of hitting a sensitive subject or nervous we might drive the other away. That's all I think about now, wondering when and if you might ever come back.

Maybe you don't want to be friends anymore and for that I wouldn't blame you. I haven't been the best friend you deserved in a while. I stopped sending letters completely for the past couple of weeks, not because I don't care. I do, alot. I just don't know what to say or how to take even a fraction of the pain you must be feeling off your shoulders.

I've never been good at comfort. Not enough to help you, or my father for that matter. You're the one who excels at making people feel better, maybe it's your avatar title, perhaps it's just a matter of who you are. All I know is that it's admirable.

'Admirable', it doesn't even begin to cover it. But it seems I'm rambling again, I tend to do that alot in these letters. Not sure why, usually I'm extremely well put together, I know exactly what I need to say to you when I sit down with a pen and paper in my office preparing to write to you.

Yes, I have to prepare and every single time- it never turns out the way it's supposed to. Each letter is too selfish, too revealing, too much or too little; maybe even a combination of all or none of those things at once. Whatever the reason it makes it hard to write frequently. For that I don't have an excuse- not a good one anyhow.

Maybe when you come back I can try to make it up to you. When will you be coming back? I should ask Tenzin about that. I've heard rumours not that I would ever believe any of them unless Tenzin or Lin confirms. You know how the press is, and I of all people share that knowledge- it's truly a blessing and a curse.

Every day that goes by I try to remind myself I'm one step closer to seeing you. One step closer to being able to tell you how I feel. Soon, you'll be here, right?

I love you so much. Please stay safe.

Love, Asami.