Petals | Severus Snape

12 | In Another Life

"I love you."

As soon as those words of confession escaped your lips, you could see his face dropped, and you stared longingly at him, with tears now dried on your face, hoping that he would say something, or anything— To let you know how he really feel after discovering your feelings.

The silence was deafening, and you wanted the floor to open up and swallow you, so you could spare yourself the embarrassment for falling in love with a man who had no space in his heart for you.

"I've told you before, it's hopeless. You had your love."

You croaked, chuckling under your breath to break the silence. Your words sunk deeper, clawing and gripping his heart, crushing it subconsciously as he realised you were in love with him. You were hopelessly in love with him because he already had his love, and it was all his fault.

The image of you coughing up blood with poisonous petals and thorns, the sound of your scream, the way you clung to him when the pain was suffocating you— It all came to him like a wave, crashing into him and pulling him under, and there was no one else to blame for your suffering but him. You were in pain because of him.

"You cannot fall in love with me, Y/N."

He finally said, and you nodded weakly, fresh tears boiled in your eyes. You were not expecting him to be happy with what you said, but his rejection was much more agonising in reality than the one that you had projected in your mind. Your heart throbbed in pain, as his words rang through your ears, that you could not fall in love with him.

"I know."

It came out as a whisper, a broken whisper, and it was as if you could hear the shattering of your heart when he looked at you, almost in pity.

"You cannot fall in love with me."

And I cannot fall in love with you, Y/N, his mind battled against his feelings, and Severus could only looked at you, as your eyes were flooded with tears and your heart was heavy with love.

"I didn't choose to fall in love with you, Professor.

You gritted your teeth, curling your hands in fists as anger started to bubble in your chest. You knew it was wrong to fall in love with him, such a forbidden love, and now you were punished because of it, but you did not want him to remind you of how naive you were when you fell for him.

Loving him was the most beautiful thing you have ever done. You went through so much pain, but it reminded you of the man you loved, and your love for him was genuine and honest. Your feelings blossomed every time your eyes landed on him, desiring to make him feel loved and appreciated, and it was so hypnotising that you would rather suffer than to let it go.

"This is my fault, Y/N. If you die, your blood is on my hands."

He breathed out, his heart was aching at the thought of you dying because of him. For years, he shut himself out from the world, denying the desire of his heart to love, as he was afraid, so afraid that he would somehow hurt anyone in the process. But it seemed like he failed, as the person that he wanted to protect the most, was now tormented because of him.

"I love you."

You whispered in a shaky voice, once again, wishing to get a different response from him. But you felt as if your world was crashing down like a paper plane when he shook his head, and you knew it was pointless.

"You have to take the potion tomorrow, Y/N."

You could no longer keep your tears at bay when it hit you hard that he wanted you to forget your love for him, he needed you not to love him, and you should have seen it coming when you devoted your heart and soul to him. It was such a dream to have a life with him, but this was your reality, that reminded you of how you were incapable to be the one he loved.

"Why don't you save me?"

You asked, tearing your gaze away from him as more tears roll down upon your face. Severus felt a wave of regret washed over him, and suddenly your gut-wrenching cries was wrecking his soul even worse than your bloodcurdling scream, realising that he had broken your heart.

The day you came to him during your first extra lesson, smiling innocently like nothing could bother you, he noticed there was something alluring about you, something so exquisite, so special that he had to watch over you and take a good care of you; making sure that no one could hurt you. But Severus had forgotten that people around him would always get hurt, and now as he was careless enough to let you fall in love with him, he had pushed you into a pit of agony, losing a way to pull you back up.

"The potion will save you, Miss L/N."

His stone cold voice usually would not offence you, but this time, it was as if he was letting you know that he did not care, and he never did. Your heart was shattered enough from thinking for so long that he would never love you, but when you heard it from him, it broke you in a way that you could not imagine.

"Forgive me for being in love with you."

For being foolish enough to love a man who loved another, you forced a smile on your face, wanting to remember every second that you had with him before every single memory that you created with him would be wipe away soon.

"You don't have to worry, Professor. I just hope you will still treat me the same, forgetting my mistake for loving you, after I take the potion tomorrow."

His heart was torn when he realised once you took the potion, your memories with him would be flush away, and you would see him as just a teacher, and it was possible for you to even see him as a cold-hearted professor who was cruel to his students; just like how others perceived him to be.

"Good night, Miss L/N."

Severus knew he had to leave before things worsened, and you nodded weakly, a sad smile was painted on your face. You watched as he walked away, his steps were not as fast as usual, it was as if he did not want to leave, but then again, you did not dare to think of it. Severus' steps came to a halt, when a sob escaped your throat, and something stirred inside of him, telling him to come back but he did not. He froze, waiting for you to say something, any words that could erase his guilt and regret for causing you pain.

"Perhaps in another life, you would find it in your heart to love me."

You cried, clutching your chest as petals blossomed painfully, ignoring the poison of the thorns stabbing your throat. Severus did not want to turn around to look at you, knowing that the sight of you in tears would break him completely, but he wanted to look at you, he really wanted to look into your eyes, seeing your love for him before he would find it gone on the next morning.

Your heart was warmed when he turned to look at you. You tried to memorise every single detail of his face, his dark mysterious eyes that you loved so much, etching everything about him as much as you could in your mind, loving anything that he did, everything he did and said, was so enchanting to you. As tomorrow came, you would forget about it, and you would never know how in love you were with him.

"In another life."

He whispered, before he could stop himself, and he felt his own tears pooled in his eyes. And as he hoped your words could mend his heart, they only crushed him even more when your lips quivered, vowing to wait for him.

"Yes, and I would always be waiting for you."