The Fault In Our Stars - A Sen Cal Kapimi Fanfic

3||S E R K A N

That day I couldn't bring myself to do anything, however much I tried- I couldn't work, I couldn't eat and when I lay down that night, I couldn't sleep either so I wore my cardigan and decided to go for a walk.

The moon only dimly lit the footpath, making everything difficult to see. My eyes went for the stars and I realized that I couldn't see the stars until I was actually looking for them because they were all covered by the dark grey clouds.

Eda. She was the only thought in my mind. It's been that way for a while now but it hasn't hurt before. Now I only feel pain.

"Enjoying the night sky Serkan Bolat?," I heard from behind me. I quickly turned around, just to be met face to face with none other than the woman I was trying to get out of my head.

"Eda? What are you doing here?" I asked, not yet sure if I was imagining her presence or if she was really there.

"Sirius needed a walk." She replied as she bent down to pet Sirius.

"I've never seen anyone else at this place before..." I trailed off.

"I know. " Eda said, giving rise to all sorts of thoughts in my head. Did I bring Eda here? Did we come here often? What did we do here? My mind was on overdrive but I got no answers, only more questions.

"Does Deniz know of this place?" I asked. I'm not sure why I did, it just mattered a lot to me.

"No, he doesn't." came the reply and immediately relief spread across my face. This was our place. That hasn't changed yet...

but it might.

"Why are you here Eda? Don't you have a wedding to attend tomorrow? Yours?" I found myself saying. I had no right to be angry at her but I was. I was mad as hell.

"What's it to you Serkan? You and I don't even know each other. Why should I be accountable to you?" She said, finally lifting her eyes off Sirius to meet mine.

She was right of course, but her being right doesn't make it any less painful. I felt a sharp pang in my chest when she said that we didn't know each other.

"Eda are you marrying Deniz to get back at me?" I asked, not breaking eye contact. This question had been eating at me for awhile now but I didn't have it in me to ask her, but now, I had nothing to lose but everything to gain.

"I'm going to be honest with you Serkan, it started that way initially but then I realized that getting back at you when you don't even remember me isn't worth it. Now I'm in it for me."

I felt the colour drain from my face. I had one more question that I needed an answer to.

"Do you love him?" I asked softly, immediately wishing that I hadn't asked her that.

"Love doesn't exist Serkan Bolat. You're the one that taught me that. Deniz and I are the logical fit and I'm happy for us." She answered as she took a step back.

I felt my chest tighten even more, something I didn't know was possible, giving rise to a feeling that was was new to me and I didn't like it one bit.

"Good night Serkan Bolat. I will see you at the wedding tomorrow." She said with a smile before walking away, leaving me behind with a lot of painful thoughts and a heavy heart.

I just stood there staring at the stars for a while, hoping that the heaviness in me would drift away but it seemed as limitless as the sky above me.

I reached for my jacket pocket and grabbed my phone. "Engin where are you? Could you come and pick me up? I don't feel so good. " I mumbled over the phone.

-*-*-*-*-

"Serkan! Your phone call almost gave me a heart attack! What happened? What's wrong?" Engin rushed forward to my side, examining me for physical injuries.

"I'm fine Engin... I'm not sure why I called, sorry for troubling you. You can go n- "

"Serkan! Don't be this way. Something's clearly wrong! Just tell me already." Engin said as he supported me with his arms, I didn't even realize that I was losing my balance.

"You don't want to talk now? Okay. Get in the car, I'll give you ten minutes of alone time and then you're telling me everything." He said sternly as he helped me to his car.

-*-*-*-*-

"Your time's up Serkan. Tell me what's bothering you? I already have a feeling but I want to hear you say it." Engin said as we sat on my living room couch.

"I have no idea what you're talking about Engin..." I started but got cut off midway.

"Eda called me before you did. She said that you seemed sick, I was already on my way to you when you called me Serkan. She may not have seen the reason why you're so upset but I do."

Eda called him? She was concerned about me?

"What do you want me to say Engin? Even I'm not sure of what I'm going through." I said as I turned away. My body was heating up, I was probably coming down with a flu or something.

"Don't kid yourself Serkan. You might be having a fever but it's not the flu. " I didn't even realize that I'd said that out loud.

"Okay doctor, what is it then?" I challenged him as I grabbed a blanket for myself, Engin didn't look like he was going to help me. It was like he didn't care about my fever at all.

"You can use as many blankets as you want Serkan but this fever won't be going away anytime soon." Engin said with a slight smile.

"Engin could you stop talking in riddles and please help me out here?" I asked but he still didn't move an inch.

"You love her Serkan. You've always loved her, you've just come to understand it only now. You love her and she's getting married to someone else tomorrow. " Engin paused, and although what he was saying to me was very foreign, it didn't seem very startling. It was all slowly making sense.

"You've gotten jealous of harmless photographers and clients before Serkan, this is her future husband we're talking about, your jealousy has a valid reason."

"He's not her future husband." I muttered. The fever was clearly making me say things that I normally never would.

"Oh? What do you plan to do about it? Wait for Eda to call off the wedding? Trust me that's not going to happen."

"Who's side are you on Engin? " I found myself asking.

"Of course I want what's best for you Serkan but I'm just saying... Eda seems pretty adamant about this wedding she's not going to change her mind... Not on her own anyway...maybe if someone confesses to her how he feels about her..."

"Wait there's someone else who loves her? Do I know this person?"

"Oof Serkan! It's you. I'm talking about you. The fever's really getting to your head. Maybe I should help you now." Engin said as he got up and moved towards the kitchen.

"I can't do it Engin. I'm not sure about anything anymore. I'm afraid... I can't do this." I mumbled as I reached for for the ice pack he held in his hand.

"I can't make you do anything Serkan. I can only tell you what I feel. You're in agonizing pain because you're afraid you'll lose Eda. And I'm telling you as a friend, if you don't do anything, you will lose her. And when you do, the pain will hit you a hundred times worse and when it does, icepacks won't help." Engin said as he picked up his car keys from the centre table.

"Take care Serkan, you're going to need your strength to get through tomorrow. " He said as he walked to the door.