The Fault In Our Stars - A Sen Cal Kapimi Fanfic

6||S E R K A N

"If I was born a hundred times, I would fall in love with you every single time."

That night, I woke up crying because I'd seen glimpses from a life I thought I never had. I was filled with an overwhelming sense of guilt and a sharp pain in my heart. I hated myself.

"Serkan?! Serkan what happened? Why are you crying?," Eda sat up next to me, almost as anguished as I was.

"Eda I'm sorry... I..." I started off but I couldn't finish. I couldn't look into her eyes. I had wronged this woman and I deserved all the wrath in hell.

"Serkan... what did you remember?" she slowly asked. I can't believe that it still surprised me when the woman before me knew more about me than I myself did, I should be used to it by now.

"Enough," I said, still not able to look at her.

"Bak bana," she said as she moved her hands to my face and slightly tilted it to meet hers.

"It's okay Serkan, we'll get through this together, tamam? It'll be alright," she gave me a slight smile that made my eyes glaze up. Why was she still here, she should have left a long time ago.

"Why are you still here Eda," I finally said, not able to contain it within me for any longer.

"Well I'm not here by choice, some guy I used to know kidnapped me from my wedding so here I am," she smiled but that smile soon disappeared when she saw my face.

"I'm serious Eda, why are you still around me? After all I did to you..."

"Serkan, you're being too harsh on yourself. Selin told you all sorts of things about me... you didn't know me and you believed her, I was just a stranger to you... how else were you supposed to react?" I know she was trying to help, to make me feel better but it sounded more like she was trying to convince herself. And just when I thought that I couldn't feel any more worse about myself, I did.

"Those words were mine Eda, Selin didn't force me to say anything... That was all me," I held my head down in shame.

"Serkan don't beat yourself up, it's all over now," she said, sounding less convincing by the minute.

"Eda look into my eyes and tell me that you don't think of those moments every time you see me," I pleaded, as I looked up to meet her eyes. I could see a slight hesitation in her eyes and that was enough me, I had my answer already, although I knew that she would never admit it. That was the sort of person she was and I didn't deserve her.

"It doesn't bother me Serkan, because right now, you are here with me, and that's all that matters," she said as she caressed my cheek. And that was the end of the line for me, I couldn't hold it in any longer. I cried like a baby that night and she was there to hold me down, to comfort me as I was breaking inside, to embrace me and tell me that we'll get through this together, and that's what hurt the most, the fact that she was there for me when I was at my lowest but I wasn't, the thought of her going through this all alone made me shiver and I hated myself even more.

-*-*-*-*-

"Eda!"

"Eda!," I found myself screaming when I woke up that morning after barely any sleep. Not finding Eda beside me, I rushed outside my room and looked everywhere, only to find her making coffee in the kitchen. A wave of relief rushed over me and I nearly stumbled as I ran forward and hugged her from the back.

"Serkan? Serkan you're awake already?" she said as she nuzzled her head under my neck, letting me hold her hand in mine.

"Serkan you barely slept last night, you should be in bed right now," she said when I didn't reply.