The Fault In Our Stars - A Sen Cal Kapimi Fanfic

21||S E R K A N

I didn't know what to say to her anymore. I hadn't noticed what she had become earlier because I was blinded by my rage, but now that the covers were off, I couldn't believe it. She was completely broken, almost addicted to tranquilizers and filled with self loathing. The sight before me broke my heart. A few days ago she showed up asking for forgivance and now that she had it, she didn't want it. It was as if she was was searching for misery and embracing it. Now that I had gotten over the past, she turned her gaze inwards for pain. 

I stroked her hair as I sat by her bedside. I'd never seen her like this before and that scared the crap out of me. I quickly glanced at the door and when I realised that it was just me and her, I slowly crawled onto her bed, gently pushing her to the side. Enveloping her body with my arm, I nuzzled my chin on her shoulder, burrying my face in her hair.

"Serkan,"

"I'm right here," I whispered as her fingers grasped onto mine.

"I want to leave right away Serkan," she whispered, her voice filled with pain. Instinctively my grip around her tightened.

"We'll go back home when the doctor says you can," I said.

"I meant Europe,"

I paled at her words. The moment she said something about leaving, I had a bad feeling about it but I'd brushed it aside but now all my worst fears were coming true.

"This is a joke right," I sat up on the bed, unable to keep it together.

"I'm clearly a bad influence on Kiraz Serkan, I'm destroying everything in your lives. You and Kiraz both deserve better," she was still laying there, facing the other way and I knew then that it was because she was both physically and mentally incapable of getting up.

"That's a bunch of lies Eda," I started. "Kiraz needs her mother, I thought that I could make up for that but if the past few days have thought me anything, it's that I was completely wrong Eda,"

When Eda didn't say anything, I continued. "And me, I need my wife,"

"I need to know that when I get up every morning, she's going to be there by my side,"

"You're both better off without me," she repeated as if she hadn't heard me, a sob escaped from her lips making me want to cry as well.

"That's not for you to decide," I said as I placed an arm on her side. "You're coming home with me," I said with a finality to my tone, not wanting to talk about it any further and placed my head back on the pillow, holding her tighter than ever before. Once again, she didn't reply. And I didn't know which scared me more - her keeping all the dark thoughts in her head or her saying them out for me to hear.

I didn't know when sleep took over my body, but when I woke up, Eda was  there laying next to me, staring at the ceiling with a blank expression.

"I don't like when you think," I said softly, making her turn her head towards me. She was going to say something when we heard the door open and we both turned our heads towards the source of the sound, only to watch the doctor stride on with a clipboard in her hand.

"Good Morning I'm Doctor Nazli," she smiled as she neared us. "That bed's meant for one person," she pointed, smiling so wide I thought her teeth would fall off. Embarrassed at being caught, I quickly slipped out of the hospital bed, never leaving Eda's hand even once as I did so.

"Sorry," I muttered inauidbly as my other hand made it to my hair. I watched Eda smile as the situation unfolded and that made me so happy. Immediately my embarrassment fizzled away and I gave her a more confident and relaxed smile, followed by a wink, which she giggled at promptly.