The Fault In Our Stars - A Sen Cal Kapimi Fanfic

11||E D A

"I'm leaving, and this time I won't be coming back,"

"No you can't...I can't..." I was stuttering but Serkan just waved.

"It was nice knowing you Eda Yildiz," he said with a smile as he turned his back towards me and started walking forwards.

"Serkan, no! You can't leave me here!" I rushed forward, but just when I was about to touch his hand, he vanished.

I woke up with a start to find myself alone on the bed, with Serkan nowhere to be seen. In that moment, something came over me and I couldn't stop the tears from falling out. Everything was coming to me all at once, the helplessness, the pain, the nightmares... and I couldn't hold them back anymore.

"Serkan!" I shouted, too weak to get up from the cot. I was trying to wipe my tears but they were only just replaced with more of them. I felt my arm go numb with shock as I frantically looked around for Serkan. This can't be happening again, I can't go through this a second time...

"Eda?," I heard the worry in Serkan's voice before I saw him. Relief rushed through me as I felt his presence beside me. Serkan rushed forward and crouched besides me, immediately examining me for injuries.

"Eda what happened, why are you crying?" He asked, as he ran his hand down my hair, looking at me with concern, just the way he used to in the past. One look into his eyes and I knew that he knew, he knew it all, and I wasn't going to torture him by saying it out loud. Some things are better off left unsaid.

"Never mind me Serkan, where were you?," I tried to smile but I could tell that he didn't buy it. His eyes came closer together and his lips twitched for a split second, he was probably contemplating on what to reply.

"You don't want to talk to me now, okay. I'll give you ten minutes to get your act straight, then we'll talk," Serkan said nonchalantly, and before I had the chance to respond, he got up and left, just the way he came in. I looked at the door for a minute, how could I tell him? How could I tell him that I was scared that he will leave again, scared that he'd forget me again, scared that I'd have to go through the same thing again and scared that the next time around, we wouldn't be able to find each other. I cried a little more before he came in the second time, with a spoon and a steaming bowl in his hands. He didn't say a word about my visibly distressed state, he just walked forward and sat besides me, and when I didn't say anything, he lowered the spoon in the bowl and brought it back up. Placing in in between my lips, he beckoned me to drink.

Hot liquor rushed into my mouth, my taste buds weren't functioning due to the cold but the steaming liquid felt so soothing, that it was all I wanted at that moment, Soup.

"Tamam, now tell me," is all he said as he brought a second spoonful my way.

"I'm scared," I confessed as I gulped a mouthful down my throat. Serkan looked at me intently, his eyes failing to give away much.

"I can't deal with you leaving again," I said slowly, trying to avoid eye contact. What must he be thinking? He barely knew me after all. All he had was bits and pieces of who we used to be and me in front of him, crying my eyes out. Clearly, it wasn't a good picture to look at.

"Why would I leave Eda? I'm right where I want to be," he said as he blew on the soup.

"You were the last time as well," I said back immediately, It was the truth, the hard truth. He looked up from the bowl, with agony written all over his face, that's when I knew that I was wrong. This Serkan cared about me just as much as the other one did, and it didn't matter to him that he didn't remember.

"I won't be leaving you ever again Eda," he said to me, as if reading my thoughts, but it sounded more like he was trying to convince himself. It hurt me to see him that way, he was in pain too, and I didn't like it.