The Fault In Our Stars - A Sen Cal Kapimi Fanfic

18||S E R K A N

She was here. Eda was here.

I'd imagined that very moment a countless times in the past five years but I wished that it had just stayed that, a dream, an imagination, instead of coming alive and torturing me.

I took a step back after shutting the door, not able to wrap my head around what was happening. Eda was alive, she was back and the mere thought of that stirred up the feelings that I'd tried to keep at bay for five years. She left you, she left you both a silent voice echoed inside my head as I started walking towards Kiraz's room. A year after she had disappeared, I had still been searching. She had left behind a note, one that said that she was going away on her own free will but I just couldn't believe that my Eda would do that to me, to her daughter. The fact that the Eda I knew, the woman who had loved Kiraz to death, the woman who'd told me on countless occassions that I meant the world to her, left behind a note that said she was leaving us for good? It didn't sit right with me. She must have been kidnapped I had thought. I searched and I searched but alas, about six months later, my common sense had finally kicking in. I couldn't find her then because she didn't want to be found.

I swept the tears from either side of my cheeks as I stood before Kiraz's door, not knowing what to do anymore. What would I tell the girl if she asked me questions about Eda? That her mother was back? The mother who'd been missing for five years of her life? I shuddered as I thought of the effect it would have on her. Breathing out a sigh, I pushed the door inwards and stepped into the room.

"Kiraz," I whispered as I neared her curled up figure on the bed. After Eda had left years ago, I realised that I didn't have time to ponder over her intentions or her actions. I had a daughter to take care of, and I had to be there for her no matter what.

"Babacim," she smiled at me as she sat up on the bed, raising her hands and pulling down my neck, immediately earning a hearty laugh from me. Despite the circumstances, I couldn't help but glow up every time she was in the room. Kiraz was the reason I woke up every morning, she was my angel.

"What's this for?," I smile as I held her back just as tightly, not wanting to let go.

"You seem sad," was all she said before she finally loosened her grip around my neck. The girl before my eyes surprised me every day. The levelheadedness and maturity she possessed for someone her age always left me speechless. She reminded me of her mother in every aspect- the way she looked, the way her faced scrunched up when she was mad at me, the look in her eyes when she wanted something from me, the similarities were unsettling. 

"Why would I be sad when I have you in my life," I grinned as I lifted my fingers to give her nose a small pinch, causing her to burst out into a fit of giggles, making the smile on my face grow in length.

"Baba," she paused as she lifted one of her tiny hands towards my face. "The pretty woman who hugged me," I felt a tug on my heart as she stopped talking to catch her breath. I couldn't bring myself to explain to her what had happened, I didn't have it in me to answer her questions but I knew that I couldn't lie to her. I stared back at her as she carefully studied my face just like her mother had done earlier, and on countless other occasions, "She's my annem, isn't she?"

For a minute I didn't know what to say. I was shocked beyond recognition and I couldn't bring myself to respond to her. I had expected questions, but I hadn't expected this, not in a million years. I struggled to form the words in my head. I couldn't lie to Kiraz, I'd never lied to her before, but could I tell her the truth?

"Kirazcim, what makes you say that?" I asked, trying to take some heat off the question that she had asked me.

"She looks just like me," she whispered back and then I knew that she already had her answer. She was testing me, gauging for my reaction. Sometimes she made me forget that she's a seven year old, sometimes she made me feel like I was the seven year old.